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My psychiatrist is "consulting" others. I am high-achieving nuts.
So apparently I ran down the hall to another party and started handing out uncooked spaghetti to strangers. You'd be surprised how many drunk people will eat raw noodles.
Only mom could turn an abortion day into a shopping day
All i know is we had 4 people on a tandum bike, and told the cops we couldnt stop because our momentum was so good.
Can you send me a picture of you not naked, my mom wants to see what you look like
I show up hung over with mcdonalds. Why wouldn't he have sex with me? It's a fucking leap year...
I'm about to sell my hamster for weed money I'll call you in a few
By the way if you come home and I'm not wearing pants, just go with it. I didn't have the energy to go searching for some.
The straight guy here is hot. He described himself as Christian grey without the money and my vagina fell out of my body
My pants zipper is stuck halfway down. I have to interview an intern later. This day is gonna be amazing,
Me and tommy were trying to figure out why our printer was jammed, found a condom stuck in the paper slot. #collegeprobs
I want the address of the individual responsible for strawbeeritas. I want to send them gift basket.
Let's make an agreement. No drugs until you finish all your homework. I'm hiding them as we speak.
It turned from Netflix and chill to cringeworthy YouTube videos and chill. At least he's honest.
Randomize