You made me cry and you don't even care
Just saw the true definition of the muffin top and camel toe all on one person at the DC zoo... Tried to take a pic but she got away..
Still bad at ganbling. Still good at dringing.
you act like breakfast cereal isnt an entirely appropriate chaser
Woke up under the lifeguard stand sleeping next to mitch our homeless friend. I bartered a summer wardrobe for his last 5 dollar to buy a bfast sandwich. Bring clothes
Send me the picture of my mugshot, my boss got arrested last night and I'm trying to make her feel better.
My puffy vagina and I are on the way to the doctor to see what your mutant penis did to us THANKS A LOT
so it turns out the huge bruises on my knees are from drunk bmxing and not getting railed from behind on the ground
and ill have you know that I only wiped out twice
He made me choke him and call him Papi..so all in all a good night.
I woke up in a chipotle parking lot with an industrial sized box of condoms and a bag of dounut holes. I need Jesus
Y'know i appreciate how accepting you are of me being a terrible person.
Ultimate cock block. About to have sex and your mom calls you so you can go help your grandmother figure out how to vote for the voice on her iPad
I'm just trying to win a butt plug dude
It's like sleep walking but with blowjobs
ugh i want to get waxed but I’m afraid. my vagina has had enough trauma this week, i don’t know if I can put her thru any more.
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