He should be on Bizare Foods after who he ate last night
kerrys trying to convince everyone in the bar shes a lesbian. cheers to not being the drunkest girl in the room. i probably wont piss myself tonight.
I just discovered how perfect a shot glass is for putting your chicken nugget dipping sauces into. Like I'll probably do this when I'm a mother feeding my children.
You didn't have enough money so you tried to convince the cashier that "four dollar foot long" rolled off the tongue better. Stop drinking. Immediately.
wanna go with us to feed the ducks bread soaked in vodka?
how could i say no?
when you tell me you got me a birthday present, I have to assume it will show up in a drug test.
2 rounds of irish car bombs have already been taken to your 5 year sober anniversary
You will go out on a boat of flames filled with honor, sarcasm, and assholery, let me assure you.
The worst part about being a grammar Nazi is all the porn I skip over because the titles are misspelled
There's a baby duck in my toilet. Fuck you.
You turn 21 at midnight!
This is better than being born!!
Then James put his arms through the window and grabbed him, like he was Robocop. A nerdy, portly Robocop.
Who is this?
Just got home, my brothers stoned and he got a high score on COD.. He just asked me if I wanted to have a celebrational yogurt with him. Wtf?
Oh honey. I will not JUST be drunk. I will be spring break drunk. Spectacularly hammered. It will be glorious for all watching and embarrassing for anyone that has to drag me to bed.
I think I just sharted jello shots
Randomize
