I know right? mind you this is the same woman who told me when I was 12 that oral sex just meant talking dirty
I woke up in a house cuddled up with a beagle on a futon. have no idea who anyone is but they all call me stretch. yeaaahhh boiiiiii
after watching ten minutes of "the decision," I conclude that King Lebron has more influence on America than Barak Obama. I love our countries values.
I woke up covered in blue paint and my knee bleeding, when I went to return the shopping cart the guy in the elevator laughed hysterically. I'm having a good morning.
Just mixed vicodin and mucinex. This cold just got fun.
It got to the point that I had to make flashcards with their name on the front and dick pics on the back.
our conversations pretty much only consist of the phrase 'fuck you'. and the sex is fantastic. we've got a great thing going here.
She just called to say she can support a full bottle of vodka between "the girls" now. I'm going over, don't try and stop me.
I believe I won the Golden Vodka Bottle of sadness last night for crying while being party boyed.
Me and him were fist fighting in the back of the cab and I offered the driver a 100% tip to call him an asshole. I don't know why.
After getting kicked out of the bar, you proceeded to McDonald's, ordered 30 nuggets, slammed them all back in 5 minutes and then stole 3 traffic cones...how you only got charged with drunk in public is beyond me.
Fucking adderall I just talked at the security guard for 90 minutes
who says I'm not relevant to the kids today? Just had snapchat sex, blows the roof off aim cyber sex
I made an executive decision to rename my Resume file to something other than MONEYMONEYMONEY.
is it bad that im laying on a beach towel in my room with my lights on high pretending to be tanning on the beach in the summer?
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