Dude, I just went to take a piss and looked at my ballsack... Underneath was labled "L" and "R"
she went home with me because she said i reminded her of paul rudd. remind me to thank him for his awkwardness
Turns out getting tied up to two door handles and forced to repeatedly cum is actually a really good ab workout.
you called her butter tits and then threw up in your cup. i dont know if theres any way to come back from that
Are you in a cab?
I'm close- can you order me a bowl of vodka?
Maybe we could get a groupon for vasectomy. I'm game.
I will rip it off your body in ways are socially offensive but you still kind of like.
Hahaha she was way into you and you kept arguing about burritos. It was amazing.
I'm bonding with your girlfriend. I like her. We're plotting your demise.
Any idea why my ass cheeks are bruised again?
The fact that theyre bruised AGAIN means you're not adult enough to know why.
I appreciate the fact that you sent me a snapchat of your dick soaking in a cup of water.
Step 1: Buy a house Step 2: Turn bedroom into sex dungeon
I have finally found someone I enjoy for reasons that do not necessarily include his dick
You're just upset because I have cupcakes and boobs and you don't.
I woke up to rachel asking "did anyone else fall out of a tree last night?"
Randomize
