we have pet lesbian snakes
You picked a bad night to stay in. ____ caught her hair on fire in ____'s birthday cake.
She had to stop drop and roll while two other girls beat the flames out. She might have a black eye
i havee beer in my backseat and a glow in the dark condom in my cleaveage.
you're going for the gold here.
so wait, they're fucking, but it doesn't count as cheating cause they only do anal?
today he pulled me aside to show me a lawn mower that he drew above his pubes. I saw his pubes in all their glory. Right there. In spanish class. Hola.
I think his glow in the dark Star Wars sheets, at the time, really turned me on.
Also I feel like 60% of our relationship is based on sausage mcmuffins.
For the first time ever I'll be using my lunch break to pass out cold on my desk. We've gotta stop having these late night drinking things on Sundays
I can't even look at my running shoes. I swear I drank more in the last 2 days than the last 6 months combined
she said she walked into the kitchen and i was sitting ass naked on the floor chugging her parents vodka.
I have a new philosophy. Fuck wearing bras, it's summertime.
My 19 year old brother just hooked up with his 45 year old cougar kindergarten teacher. These sorts of situations make me realize why the sorority girls call him Wondercock
I have booze and I wanna give you a bj. How can you be mad at me?
I did what i always do when i miss him; masturbate and watch Bridges of Madison County.
Do you remember last night?
Just that I fell down a hill with my penis out and the emt talked to me.
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