you know your drunk when 7 soccer players cant catch up to a tranny in high heels who just stole your wallet
He's got a pretty small dick but he's a total sweetheart. I'm gonna buy a new dildo and just deal with it.
I swear, if he gets me a bowling ball for Christmas, I will throw it at him.
Yeah someone just put a trash bag that says "use protection" on the snow penis
He fucked me so hard I might have to go to the hospital for internal bleeding
Can I have him when you're done?
I just want to have such an intense orgasm that my heart stops and I die. I mean that would kind of suck for the guy I'm fucking but then again he could be like "I'm that good"
In the middle of having sex she stopped, said "guess what, it's clitoris awareness week" and then continued fucking me
If you're still up for that roadtrip, I managed to end up in Louisiana and could use a ride home.
Ive fucked up. im like a feral dog rabidly chasing an infrequent dream amidst a cataclysm of disaster
Remember that girl from my stats. class that I ran into at the bar 2 weeks ago? She literally hasn't been to class once since I told her I sit behind her.
I mean, I already put pants on today. We're already halfway there
Rumor has it that you want to bring me soup in exchange for a blow job.
I don't want my vagina anymore.
You poured all their beer into ziploc baggies so it would be "better on the go"
I miss painting strippers for Christmas. Holidays not the same without glitter and body paint
I'll be your substitute stripper tonight.
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