halloween costumes for girls are easy, slutty teacher, slutty cop, slutty nurse, etc...
exactly, that's why i want something interesting
slutty neuroscientist?
I am pretty sure I told him the clouds were earth's purest filtration system and that snow was the rarest and most delicious water in the world. My lips are burning because we ate so much.
i cant talk right now. we are trying to finish our homework so we can play with play-doh
Why is there not a 'day after acid' genre. Or even a pandora station or something.
Doing lines of cocaine in the bathroom and the word 'better' do not belong in the same sentence.
I hope the walls stop moving before my manager notices that i'm still drunk.
She said I came to for a minute, shouted IHOP!! and then shook my head and said no before passing out again
i keep looking at my boobs and it just baffles me how he could give this up.
You are a finance major, can I use my 529 account for your bail?
I asked for a steak knife but the waitress could see in my eyes it was a bad idea
THIS IS NO TIME FOR SHAME JOSH. JUST GOTTA GET IT IN. PURELY FOR LEVELING UP PURPOSES
I woke up with the Dorothy costume at my ankles, both sparkly red shoes on, and clutching ToTo....we're not in Kansas anymore, dude
facebook is just a cold reminder of all the times other bitches won my hookups
Last night I had a dream that a man with an ice cream body entered a bicycle throwing contest and won.
Gotta go, there’s a chick at my door that wants to give me head
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