i thought she was just hairy. i didn't know she was also a man.
True Life: I hate vaginal excretions
just mention it in a side comment sometime today... like oh by the way i have a daughter but um yeah my day was good
You nicknamed her "lazy eye" and were screaming across the bar at her to buy you a drink...
Tonight is one of those "I'm wearing a shirt as a dress" nights because I need to get laid.
We were making condiment sandwiches, then her husband kept trying to get me to sleep with her. I hate being the only lesbian at the party.
my mom found me passed out in the kitchen floor with the Brita pitcher.. Happy Mothers Day
The date officially concluded on the phrase "Nosh dat vag".
I woke up to a quacking alarm clock and a rando in my bed. I told him I liked his cargo shorts. Fireball is not my soulmate anymore.
Good, be his mentor. Like a tiny gay Yoda.
My life has evolved from screwing randos, ok?
Fuck you guys, I'm trying to nurse my hangover and eat my chicken tenders in peace.
I just got woken up by that guy wearing a Krispy Kreme hat giving out donuts
Party bus got out of hand. Some guy pissed himself. Later, he couldn't find his house keys, so he kicked the back door in.
Just think how much she’ll hate me when she finds out I fucked her father
Randomize
