you hand the children out the window. i'll pour the drinks.
omh. i just found SHIT IN THE SHOWER! who the fuck does that? and why do i always seem to find it?
He asked if I wanted to blow his flute? Please call me and pretend there is a family emergency!!!
Free beer happened. I got hammered and aaron did his first keg stand. Then went all martha stewart on redecorating the bathroom. I remember being at walmart
What theme did he decide on for the bathroom?
Well as you know martha loves the northeast this time of year. I believe the theme was 'coney island' decorrated with hot dogs and macaroni
All three of them were helicoptering their dicks to persuade me to take my thong off
Slip and slide hallway was not one of my better ideas.
I ate the last cupcake. I'm sorry. It was in the refrigerator mocking me. So I ate it. And it was glorious. But I'm sorry.
We were hunting our best friend with a BB gun in the backyard. I'd say the vaporizer was a worthy investment at this point.
I love how my phone automatically capitalizes Margarita. R-e-s-p-e-c-t.
sometimes a perk of being a drug dealer is amazon gift cards. who knew?
I immediately woke up from my nap, made myself a screwdriver and got in the shower. I know it's spring break but I'm still questioning my life choices.
You know the force is loosing strength when Darth Vader can't handle his liquor on halloween.
She's not allowed to do acid anymore... she started crying because she thought she was an eagle.
Now that I'm sober I feel the need to tell you that I'm not really a fish whisperer....
You almost lost your european virginity to a Peruvian man waering a do-rag in a port-a-potty.
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