HAH. HARRY POTTER CASUAL CONVO HAS BEEN EXTENDED TO DISCUSSING WEATHER. SO PRO
I think u should go home and go to bed. If u get arrested in the Ohio river u go to jail in Kentucky. Nobody wants to go to jail in KY.
This is part your fault too. Don't tell me your dishes are unbreakable and not expect me to prove you wrong.
He started screaming when he saw my dog. He thought it was a polar bear
wellllllll.... I literally just puked in my mouth so perhaps this is not the epic love connection I believed it to be 3 minutes ago.
Sorry about the flaming shit on your door
I never thought I'd be in my late 20s and send that text
what the hell is that chicken wire thing she's holding?
An artistic expression of her stupidity.
I'll text you later. I think she thinks we're taking this whole "no sex" thing seriously.
The compounded multi day delayed hangover hit me hard today, with a vengeance normally reserved for large objects that go in my ass. I don't feel good.
There is a video on my phone of me suckling a bag of wine from your crotch area while you say "The Body of Christ" in a Michigan accent. I vaguely remember being offended by this yet I did it anyway.
Also, I found this app that is basically a tamagochi from the 90's and now I finally have something to keep me busy at work!
My ex's new gf is pregnant and he is sterile, so 2016 is starting off well.
Aka I'm headed to the liquor store because I don't know how to handle my emotions.
So i woke up this morning to find my boss passed out on my living room floor.. Awkward? Haha
I really just gave up on masterbating because I'm too tired. I really am getting old.
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