You tried to call the hospital and left a voicemail asking if you could be put on the liver transplant list as a "pre-caution"
Judging by what's in the bathroom right now, I see you graced us with your presence last night.
he broke up with me while standing outside, half naked, waiting to fuck him. i feel like a leper right about now.
The kid in the park, who was on a leash I might add, looked at us and yelled "stranger danger" before hiding behind his dad
dude when im high using logic is an accomplishment that should be rewarded. make sure u get cinnamon twists
Once you mention butt plugs, conversations always take a turn for the worst.
Weird come down, just saw a woman on the train go to grab something and realised she had terrifying hands. They literally filled me with dread. I don't think I'm ok.
I mean technically the bite was both in my nose and on the outside of it. I thought I was going to need stitches or something.
Why was his mouth around your nose anyways?
It was just one of those nights, man.
I just realized I haven't had a date or a potential possibility of a date in about a year. Then I realized I wanted to actually go on a date. But I'm sitting here getting high instead of being at a party. Life.
I'm just mad because I can't play gta5 all day tomorrow cuz I'll be in court testifying against a craigslist prostitute...
I'm not dealing with this wiskey dick shit, 2016 is the year of hard dicks
He doesn't have much of a personality but he makes up for it with his sexual prowess
keeper.
hypothetically, what's the best method to remove an stray semen gob from a roommate's important school document?
not only did he puke in his mouth and hold it.. He also sneezed while doing this
Its one of those days... someone might die
Would a picture of my dick help?
Randomize
