Going to bed naked. Too bad I am all alone. Need to make some changes. Either sleep with clothes or with you
I dont think problem is the right word. Problems arent something you enjoy. Life would be too boring without gambling.
they are using this drunk girl like a spin the bottle in the hot tub, whoever she lands on she makes out with.
For some reason I knew you were going to smell like strippers and burritos when I hugged you.
100% of annual heatstroke fatalities are preventable deaths! Don't let it happen to you! Also, you can catch crabs from almost anything! Be safe and have fun.
Yes, but if I hadn't gotten here early, I never would have seen the butch lesbian midget waddling down stairs from the bar. Worth every minute of drinking alone.
I just found that video of you jumping onto my exercise ball feet-first and face-planting into my shoe rack.
I'm going to get pregnant and die... Mean Girls warned me about this but I didn't listen
Just out of curiosity. Did you wait until my fb picture was well liked by others before liking it so people won't know we're fucking?
It's been two days. I am still burping up jello. Everything tastes like jello. Everything smells like jello. I am DONE with jello shots.
So I've been thinking about this, and I've decided my bed is magic. Every time I change the sheets, a new boy is in my bed. I own the Sheets of Dreams-if I change them, they will come.
Me and a 30 year old man are sitting in my bathtub in swimsuits drinking straight rum from the bottle. Don't tell me how fucked up your Christmas is.
WHY ARE THERE NO BLACK EMOJIS? I CAN NEVER PROPERLY IDENTIFY MYSELF.
A special kind of bond is formed between two people when they act as a pee shield for one another for drunken pisses in an alleyway
I didn't think this needed to be said, but our sexts are an emoji free zone
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