Do brothers usually kiss their sisters?
stranger just walked up to the fridge at the party, took the hawaiin punch out, drank it straight from the bottle, looked at everyone who stared in awe and said "im fucking thirsty" and put it back.
I sold 10 pepperonis for 5 dollars last night....i fucking love drunk people
Just walked past a girl wearing nothing but flip flops and an oversized sweatshirt crying by the front gates eating pizza. i just found your soulmate.
It's sad really how 5 am brings with it a distinction from drunken to pathetic.
He just used my bikini trimmer to give himself a fumanchu. And I still plan on having sex with him tonight. This has to be what true love feels like.
i think we should start charging the bum that sleeps on our porch rent..
A small child is toddling around the store, holding a coloring book and a shot glass. Thinking of you.
Excuse me but the alley way I wanted to fuck in happens to be a very nice clean area.
RA chick in a Christmas onsie chased us up 5 flights of stairs. I need to stop violating guest policy
Nothing quite like pre-gaming the Kentucky Derby with adderall and adderall. I'm fairly confident I could outrun all of these fucking horses in a foot race right now.
we somehow managed to fit a llama, a stripper pole and a hayride all into the same day.
well he never texted me back and the pizza I took my rage out didn't deserve such malice
Can't be considered a walk of shame if you pick up donuts on the way home
No instead we fucked in the elevator.. it was wrong on so many levels..
How tall was the building? Maybe it was only wrong on some of them
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