I have a pussy blister if you wanna poke at it with a needle tomorrow...by this text i realize just how strange our relationship is, especially because you're probably excited
I think you mean your blister is filled with pus...atleast i hope
My vagina hasn't been this smooth since I was 8. I better get laid tonight.
On a side note I think I burnt my eyebrow when we "teter-totered" into the fire
The cabbie told us to at least pretend we weren't doing coke while he was driving
I want him to be the Hulk to my Brooke Hogan this Halloween. Can I ask him to be my daddy this weekend?
Only if you say it like that.
I dont care how drunk you were. Making a bet with MY husband at MY wedding that you could seal the deal before he could is ALWAYS inappropriate!
I was wondering, is there any way to hook up a lawn hose to a keg?
It's going to be so weird waking up tomorrow morning fully rested completely sober and not covered in piss or bruises.
What do you want to swallow. Press 1 whiskey press 2 rum
At first I was horrified but then he explained that he shave a "soul patch" on his balls... And I was still horrified, but I went with it.
Sometimes you just have to have sex for a Netflix password.
He initiated the conversation by sending me a picture of his penis at 4 am
I am at a new level of appreciation for drunk-you, who threw up into her own sweatshirt pocket last night in the car. Brava.
so it turns out that when you ride the subway drunk at 5 am you wake up with a sailor in your bed
Is she still on a quest to lick every stranger that enters the bar, or have the restraining orders reached critical mass?
Randomize
