are you so shy because you have an std?
Apparently the guard had to repeat "you're too drunk to get in" three times before I understood. I guess he was right.
is it bad that listening to the rabbi's wife talk about how we should only be with one person is making me really, really horny for no string attached sex
He brought me bullshit flowers and a bullshit apology. Even shrek did more than that for Fiona. And he's an ogre. Does this not say anything about him?
Dude. Zebras have bad attitudes.
By the way anyone who is willing to be in the film while tripping gets free shrooms.
he said we should drink responsibly and we all just kinda sat there laughing at him
I'm going to write a new song and call it "Did I wax my vagina for this?" remind me to never go across the country for a penis ever again.
I was going to say that I wasn't sure how that happened... but then I remembered that I bonded with the Australians over vitamins and INXS and they bought me tequila.
Pennsylvania now holds the distinct honor of being the third state I've crapped my pants in.
I have put on lipstick and signed up for class. Nothing more shall be expected of me today.
Honestly my life is shambles over a married man who looked like a fuckin NERD ON HIS WEDDING DAY
He is completely naked, curled in a ball, and rocking back and forth in the shower humming lullabies to himself. This is your responsibility since I'm going to be fucking someone in 5.7 seconds.
New one isn't as good asmy ex. She won't put her tongue up my butt
Peter this is your "ex"
I stand by what i said
Listen gotta draw the line somewhere. Apparently that line is at my nuts.
Randomize
