Just ran to the store on my way to the office to buy Diet Coke...the guy in front of me let me cut because it was 4 more minutes until 8am, so he wouldn't be able to purchase his vodka. I love Wisconsin
By the end of the night i was making legitimate noises not just saying moo.
i'll get you drunk even if i have to inject alcohol into your arm through an IV
you're the only one i would trust to do that
ill be fine wheb you get back. I'm gunna do real world things like washing the dishes. having to perform serious tasks brings you down.
Lemme guess, I was the one completely shit faced making out with the 50 year old...
LOL, wrong number bro. Good luck trying to figure out what happened though..
DON'T WEAR PANTS.
I REPEAT.
DO. NOT. WEAR. TROUSERS.
I'm playing drinking games with a boy who looks like Liam Hemsworth. I think I'm fine.
Of course i made out w him. He was painted green. You know of my secret longing for the Hulk.
So I was just like hi, I'm your roommate's gf. Please don't hate me. That would be rly inconvenient for you.
Let's put it this way, there's not many girls I wouldn't let sit on my face
NOBODY TALKS SHIT ABOUT PANDA EXPRESS
It was somewhere in between an airport security patdown and a medical examination. No groping or squeezing, just brief pokes and pats.
Someone explain to me why I woke up to find a stolen shopping cart in my room...
Sorry about you walking in on the whole nude kinect dancing. The new roomie was drunk and naked and told us he was either over dressed or we were under dressed for the party. And Amy figured it would be easier to join him than it would be to dress him
We need a kiddie pool and lots of cornstarch
Randomize
