yo i just woke up i feel so weird, and the absolut is still fill, so is the 30, what the fuck did we drink last night man? And will you please come out of the bathroom.
Bro... we didn't even hang out last night??
wtf he couldnt undo my bra, i asked him if it was his first time and he said "with a girl? yeah"
am i the only one who has tried sucking their own cock????
She punched my vomit. In midair. Back into my mouth.
They had half off shots during the fourth quarter. I was powerless.
I hit him with a car. Nothing says I hate you more than backing into someone with a fucking car.
She came to college a virgin and left on court order. We ruined her.
If your wondering where your blanket is, I put it on the 2 guys you brought home last night. Their still sleeping outside on the trampoline.
We got Pizza Hut & Papa Johns, delivered within seconds of each other, and both delivery people did a shot. I was put on Earth for this moment.
I'm all for hockey players but dude, he asked me to lick his chipped tooth mid-hook up.
You came home And decided to make beer battered bacon... That's why there was smoke
Thursday could be nutella day. You could make me a nutella sandwich and then fuck me senseless
I was thinking about the biological process causing me to puke while I was puking. THAT'S how much I'd been studying.
Had weird bad dreams about you last night. Please tell me you didn't google my real surname and that you don't go to a needle exchange.
I'm trying to find some better sex background music so his neighbors don't hate us. This is tedious.
Randomize
