If I ever start a band I'm gonna name it "Nancy Reagan's Vagina"
I made out with a deaf person. Also I've been drunk 11 days in a row now.
Mike is offhisass drunk and just sat down next to my sister and said "If you gained 30 pounds and stopped reading poetry, I would be attracted to you. Now, your little sister, attractive, even though she's basically the same person as you- she just pulls it off better because she's 15."
I caught a rooster roaming Edison Park then released it in the bar. They made me try to catch it again and somebody played the chicken dance while I chased it
From what I hear, her blowjob factory was runninng at full capacity this weekend.
I just witnessed my first non cocain induced sunrise in five years.
Not my cup of tea
That guy is like a clown car of sexy. Just when I think I've seen it all, THERE'S MORE.
AND SOME IN THE TRUNK.
She looks like a Midwestern news anchor that got fired so she has done nothing but eat for the past 6 months.
And I wasn't prepared because its been a very long and lonely season and I wasn't expecting to find dick at Press Box trivia night....
mom had to come pick me up from the hotel. I crawled to her car. She told me the entire way home if I puked in it I was going to lick it up. Like high school all over again...
Good. Go forth, young stallion. Destroy the vaginal region with your tidy crotch.
It feels so wrong having a picture of my tits next to a picture of my daughter.
The highlight of the night was definitely when you starting telling ppl you could shapeshift and "proved" that by stripping.
Tequila should only be paired with the finest of dick
You weren't singing into a microphone in front of an audience. You were screaming into your fist in the check-out aisle in Walmart.
Randomize
