I feel like your standards for women is like rent-a-centers standards for credit.
Nothing says "I'm a sorority girl" like puking at 830 in the am, wearing my anti-hazing pin, and getting ready for a tea party.
I learned an important lesson this weekend.... I'm way to good at sex to travel for it. From now on he drives here...
Legit I think I might have gotten hepatitis C from licking the window of that last cab.
I've ID'd the nipple biter.
I told her she can't come to our bonfire because she throws up on herself & she has a mustache. And now apparently I'm a bitch or something.
Oh my God. He stopped counting at 22.. His senior year. I feel the STDs infecting my taint as we speak.
Im rolling a blunt of encouragement for you to return to
My neighbor Chris is here. I am warning you, he is wearing a kilt I just saw his balls. Be incredibly careful that you don't see what I did.
All you need to do now is invest in a Speedo and start going door to door.
I don't see how you can turn down creme brulee and orgasms
He just walked in the house and decided to wake everyone up by yelling "I SHIT MYSELF!" We all thought he was joking....we were all wrong.
Our sex from this weekend should be engraved into a plaque or commemorated somehow. It was fucking amazing.
I am still worried she'll have a seizure durring. What would I do? Try to ride it out and finish, or pull out and assist?
I just realized I had arrested my one night stand from last night...
Randomize
