Yea, forget your mom. She will be home after her one night stand.
i swear to god, this restaurant is playing a john tesh cover of a song from aladdin
My last google search last night was 'vodka swimming pool'.
This gyro tastes like lonliness
i told you he always needs adult supervision he just tazered himself
I found a tip from a dart in my bra this morning
id say bad/good trip...at first I wanted to claw off my skin... but then when i tried i ended up tickling myself for an hour.
I went down on her for 35 minutes and didn't even get a handy. I've never felt more desire to be gay in my life.
Due to last night I think a roommate constitution should be made. The first law will be designed to prevent any chicks below a 4 to enter the house.
Btw, you're my emergency contact at Planned Parenthood
I think I used my NERF gun during sexual roleplay. Need to re-evaluate my life choices.
Hey! How are you feeling? Still preferring soup over sex?
I came back from England with a face tattoo and the only thing anyone can talk about is my beard.
Topless, eating sour gummies, doing a crossword, at 4 AM. TELL ME IM BEAUTIFUL!
All three of the bartenders here have screwed my boss, so he's definitely gay. Unfortunately for you he seems to have a type and you're not it.
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