I'm thinking of having one or both of my boobs out. They're small but they're mighty.
Thanks for telling my landlord that the poop stain was yours and not my secret dog.
I think I reached optimum potential when I summersaulted straight into a kiddie pool.
No, earlier you attempted Jenga with everyones shoes.
My parents just out drank me... I cant get back to college soon enough
Dude I am not desperate enough to pay my dealer in change. Maybe tomorrow.
Well after last night I am convinced he is real life Tyler Durden. He only exists to me and somehow keeps me out of jail this entire time
It's not really that big. Girls just think it feels big. It's a cocktical illusion.
Why is it that when I sustain a serious injury people are more concerned with my level of inebriation than my personal safety?
DISHONOR ON YOU. DISHONOR ON YO FAMILY. DISHONOR ON YO COW
Nooo, I ran into two if my exes, both having their engagement parties at the bar. It was like a fucking Eskimo family reunion, but with more tequila.
I thought the Bane mask would really repel dudes but instead I ended up grinding on a frat dude that whispered "bad bitch contest, you in first place" in my ear in a Batman voice
I broke her handcuffs. I feel like an animal.
We are actually the same person except with opposite genitalia, which are both incredible.
Okay I'm ready to show you that my weiner still works
Too late, I'm convinced it's broken
Hey when you get home, can you do me a solid and throw one of your pregnancy tests on my bed?
EPT or First Response?
Randomize
