I remember going home with 2 girls. Woke up with 4.
hey you sure the big one didn't have a penis she left the seat up
We lit firecrackers from NYE in the fireplace and he was so passed out that he slept through it.
There's a stripper banging on the door demanding to see you.
HI MARY. THERE IS A RAINBOW AT OUR APARTMENT
Please write a memoir and name it "Game Boy and Dick Stuff"
He sat on me and said I owed him $10, when I asked why he just said "lap dance"
I'm not going to say what I did. You're smart enough to figure it out. But I did it. And you owe me 20$
I didn't think I was even that high but when we were standing in the cop car's headlights I totally forgot how to use my arms
Nothing like a little " am I gonna shit myself " to spice up the work day
I blasted the Halloween Before Christmas soundtrack last night so my roommate wouldn't hear me having sex. Needless to say the sex got a little weird.
Got out of the uber to projectile vomit in the McDonald's drive thru. Gonna take a break from the Cuervo for a while.
Having Father’s Day on Pride weekend is always so awkward. “Hey dad just calling to say I love you.” While I’m navigating my way through a pop up pool at a bar riding a penis floatie. Happy Father’s Day.
Woke up with a girls naked next to me I had her thong on somehow.
It's not just going to appear. A lot of blood, sweat, tears, and leg work went into finding a cock that amazing!
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