Kareoke will never be a sober sport
this guy literally just gave me a gold star sticker for the "stellar" blow job i gave him. ashamed? i think not.
I wish that vaginas would just grow when you're ready for sex. Like when you dont need your vagina its not there, but when you need it...BAM its there. then no one would see it when you get drunk
yeah...or you could just stop doing cartwheels in skirts
For the amount I put out, I should be going on way more dates.
The cereal milk was almost black, the bacon was still frozen and the toast was soggy. And that was BEFORE I puked in her lap.
I know it was you that I fucked last night... I can smell my disappointment all over the sheets
If I can't pick up a cat lady, I probably need to turn to Internet dating.
So should I finish watching Space Jam and then get head? Or get head while secretly watching Space Jam?
Nothing quite says Coachella like me doing high yoga in the middle of a field by myself
I would have done it. But then again I am a starving student who can manipulate my brain into thinking my decision was somehow morally justifiable.
MY BRAIN IS OSCILLATING. DOES THAT EVEN MAKE SENSE
Like when I see him I look straight through his appearance and just envision a big walking penis.
Can we smoke pot out of a menorah?
He had a clap on lamp. So every time he was ramming into me, the lights kept turning on and off
Is kiddo a correct name to call someone who you stuck your dick in?
Randomize
