So, right as I'm cumming, I pull out and go "PYEW PYEW" like Star Wars lasers. Best part is, I missed her completely.
I took the precaution of putting my macbook the one place in the dorm there is no way i can piss on it... the toilet
I had a nursing patient tell me that her favorite drink was vodka and ensure...called it a colorado bulldog
Well he has that kind of carefree attitude that comes from a big penis
He said he was going to "rock my world". I wonder if he too has a false sense of confidence and accomplishment stemming from a complete lack of honesty from our own female counterparts.
So it turns out rose was the bear hunting girl. Fuck my life
None of those words made sense together.
It's all good. The CSI guy came and I played the theme song while he in was in our place. The cops even laughed.
We just reached that moment of the night when you start making cookie quesadillas. Party on Wayne
nothing says "functioning mature adult" like sneaking beer out of your mom's fridge in a lunchbox
When we were finished I asked him how long it had been since he'd cum that hard. He thought really hard for a while before telling me his brain forgot how years worked.
He told me how it ended, then I blew him.
So he ruined the best cinematic experience of your life and you REWARDED him??
what are you going as for halloween?
drunk, naked, & emotionally unstable
It's has to do with my genitals. Don't ask.
sex on acid sucks though, i want to connect with the universe not your dick.
My liver is going to reject life during Greek Week
How many liver transplants can a person have? Bc you may need a couple
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