This is clearly one of those "A hole's a hole" situations
made out with the bouncer to distract him from how illegitimate my fake id is.
Karaoke makes my soul die one wretched song at a time
you ever fart during an orgasm? feels like u just lost 10 pounds
Life is so much better when you know you're gonna get laid soon.
Please find an outlet that isn't stripping or getting drunk and arrested
You climbed into the Suite next to us at the game so you could steal the half eaten hot dog someone had left on the table. That high.
I'm pricing out a roll of that wax butcher paper. We fuck too messy and I can't afford to wash them every afternoon.
She was hiding under the bed to surprise me with sex. But when you took your hookup in my room to bang things out, she thought I was cheating on her. So explain it to her douche.
She told me I should be proud of my dick pics, then told me she was in love with me, then I dropped her off at her boyfriend's. I was a new kind of failure tonight.
I'd like to have a moment of silence for all the dicks she's broken off
Well you could have stayed home, played house and got blow jobs all weekend babe, but we all have to live with our decision
Wait, I'm confused. I EMPTIED the bottle? as in consumed it? I'm impressed with myself.
I'm gonna have to start putting baby wipes and a change of pants in my bag. The amount of times I'm scared of shitting my pants in public is too high and I need the reassurance
Totally unrelated, but by the way I DO have one ball bigger than the other.
Randomize
