It was like his mom forgot to breastfeed him and he was making up for lost time.
Your vagain smells worse when im sober.
sorry, worng number
you opened the fridge, pissed on the food, fell over, then threw up on yourself. thats whats all over the kitchen.
im still trying to figure out who put the honey mustard in the blender then put the entire blender into the freezer
May or may not be going home with my jamitor. i'm kiddong, btw, i have no idea. i'll let you know soooon.
Bring the cards this coming weekend. If I'm not here I died skydiving Friday
I legitimately had a champagne shower last night at a rave. I was also carrying around two bananas in my pockets like guns. Drunk doesn't even. Begin to explain My night.
Note to self don't give these guys your number. I've seen more dick tonight than a proctologist sees his whole career
His roommates came in the room and were throwing snowballs at us while we were hooking up.
I knew deleting his texts was a bad idea and I was right. I just used the last time we talked to help me figure out when I had my last period
It was like being run over by an orgasm freight train.
lol I'll trade you jello for a tampon
what a trade!
I feel like that xmas present negates everything we were taught as little girls. Putting out DOES pay. God bless us everyone
I can't believe there are people our age getting engaged and I can't even find a solid coke dealer.
He took home that trashy slut from Bama but a NFL Lineman was just in my DMs so... who’s the real winner here
Randomize
