I made out with four boys last night, AND EXCUSE ME WHILE I COUNT HOW MANY GIRLS.
I really wish you were half the slut you're sister was in college
Just before going down on me she said, "I need a hairband for all of the jobs I'm about to perform."
Sorry if I put you in that 'glad we're hanging out but I'm gonna go fuck your cousin' kind of position
We have been pregaming the shutdown of the government since Tuesday. Send help, and some more liquor.
The amount I want to die right now is not proportionate to the level of fun I had last night. Not fair.
gona look into getting a tetanus booster and carrying an adrenaline shot...its going off this weekend
Mainly I just wanna pet bunnies. And purple chicks. Well any color chicks if I close my eyes. But purple if I open them.
Now that I'm sober, I'm realizing you put your name in my phone as "wowww"
Sorry about the nipples in that snapchat. It was meant for the Australian.
You're the only person I know who's experienced a micropenis and a magnum XL penis
You "drove" the computer chair around the party for a good fifteen minutes. you would crash into things, freak out, and yell for an ambulance.
dude, there is no doorman in your lobby and the front door is locked
oh yeah, sorry he's up here at the party. coming now
He just took off his shirt. I'll text you later.
I sort of feel bad for this orthodontist. The things that have been in my mouth in the past 12 hours aren't exactly socially acceptable.
Randomize
