Ugh now I'll have to carry around an overnight bag to all the bars I visit tonight. but hey! maybe I'll meet a dude! And need it!
I scissor kicked a one legged man last night.
He was trying to put me in handcuffs.
You have my attention.
And my dad told him he was a great looking guy. and then added "no homo" after.
I have my period so I felt bad and blew him with cash cab in the background. I wanted to yell out the answers but my mouth was full.
how do u look a man in the eye when u own both his daughters V-Cards?
Hey. I found $5 in quarters from one of those state quarter collection books. I'm using it for food tomorrow.
Leave it to him to get us kicked out of a bar for hitting on an 80 year old woman. I want to be that wasted one day.
they were having a wine tasting so i tasted every wine...then knocked over an entire display of gourmet olives and was asked to leave... but they still let me buy my 6 bottles of wine before escorting me out
i sent you a picture of beads you send me a picture of boobs how hard is this to understand
My boss walked in on me puking in the urinal while taking a piss. Sunday funday is eroding my last shred of credibility at work.
We found Kyle. He was next door yelling at the elderly couple to let him continue his golf game. No more afternoon drinking for him.
I watched you fall asleep, sitting up, eating a cinnamon roll. You proceeded to wake up...smile at your cinnamon roll, ask it how it got into your hand and then began eating it again. You asked me if you were ridiculous last night, define ridiculous.
My worst fear almost came to light...I was choking and the cats stared at me like they had no problem eating my face if I died
Do the molecules within bourbon change when mixed with a cola to form a superior liquid treat?
His dick was so bent it was like fucking captain hook's hand for 2 hours
Randomize
