I just did the classiest thing ever.
last time you said that you got chlamydia.
Too bad it's not "confirm, ignore or not unless I've had 20+ beers"
drunk lawn darts. Let's test the homeowners policy
We already established this. No, he did not cum on the dog.
I dont know, my roommate got arrested but I'm gunna get some tacos no matter what
You should get with him and swear you have to use lambskin condoms. That'll test his veganism.
The liquor store manager told us to drink responsible as we checked out and we laughed to his face. Like we're buying karkov at noon, responsibility is out of the question
we didn't have anything to do and wanted to get our money's worth out of our costumes, so if you see two mermaids day drinking by the creek it's us
Also, you tried to make me learn all of the presidents, in order, with a picture book as an aid. At 4 am. What the fuck?
all i remember of last night is that i was drinking jameson and then NOTHING i do remember walking a dog though\nwhich is sooo fucking weird
OH MY GOD ITS COMING BACK I PUT THE DOG IN THE HOTTUB TOO
She just kept saying "bless your heart" to him while he cried because he came so fast. I think a Texas woman was just what he needed
I used the light from the first guy's text notification to be able to snapchat the second guy in the dark. I am too good at juggling guys.
Dude fuck drugs. It's 4am and I'm eating mushroom ravioli fantasizing about jumping on a trampoline
He had to put his grandma's photo away before I tied him to the bed. She doesn't need to see any of that.
I just want to eat chicken fingers and drink beer and smoke in bed with my laptop so I can watch Netflix
So your not doing THAT great with the break up then...
Randomize
