marko just referred to some fat asian and a portly friend as Jupiter and one of its moons. unreal. hyte!
Being hungover naked and coloring my hair. I guess I am not naked I have black latex gloves on. Give me a call.
im coming over.
You were eating microwaved pad thai out of a solo cup with a pair of scissors....
He cooked me dinner. I showed my appreciation by showing up shithoused and breaking a bottle of steak sauce on his floor.
Then I realized I was alone sitting on the bathroom floor brushing my teeth at 2am laughing to myself.
I have Retrograde Ejaculation as a side effect from one of my meds. Is this a respectable form of birth control?
This is your liver's 7:15 wake up call. Mandatory margarita popsicles after work today. Rule #71: no excuses, play like a champ!
He said the first movie he ever jerked off to was Titanic because he knew "they were totally doing it in that car."
For the past year I have been the most responsible I have ever been in my entire life and now spring break is here and there is free penis just traipsing around my entire town. The game is afoot.
My kid just put flowers in my hair to make me pretty, then showed my boobs to an entire playground. He's either the best wingman or the worst.
I could tell my life story through kermit memes
That awkward moment when the guy you were hitting on at the bar last night is a possible suspect in a murder case.
You know that gay bartender? Not as gay as we thought.....
I don't know what kind of bucket list you have, but having sex with a tree isn't on mine...
yes we're having sex but I'm texting you...so what does that tell you?
Randomize
