I have all these new brothers and sisters I'm just now finding out about
I told him I don't date guys unless they play a musical instrument. So, he's here and he brought a kazoo.
What happened to chicks over dicks?
That rule does not apply to 9 inch dicks..
Now that my 6 day bender is behind me, I just realized I might have been the one who took a shit in our mailbox that past few days.
It was a new level of awkwardness and terror. The high schoolers you fuck in the summer should never introduce themselves to your mom and godmother
Ended the weekend putting away 30 nuggets. Training for 100.
just woke up to find an unpeeled banana, with a condom on, halfway into my vagina. this better not be you trying to be funny
I'm convinced my penis is the only thing holding this relationship together.
I don't think she can come out, she went too hard in the Intro to Theater Drinking Game at 2:30
The bouncer was just about to kick Sarah out for getting with this guy 'too physically'. I told him that was 'her style' and he let them stay. Banter.
Ack! That is the first dick pic I've ever received. A) congrats B) that is way grosser than I ever thought t would be.
so apparently last weekend we taught the mascot how to shotgun beers. am i winning college yet?
at first i said "no rollerblading if I'm going to be drunk," but we all know how that went
I'm giving random strangers at the bar sips of my fishbowl, then telling them I have Ebola. It's a fun night.
I swear I'm going to walk in one day with you in a ballgag just masturbating feverishly
Well i can't stand the sound of my own crying
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