we're getting ready to take strippers to breakfast. I love my life.
Doing "bucket stands" with buckets of margarita. Don't tell me it's not a good idea.
Not a single person will look me in the eye. Last night must've been bad.
This would be a good time for the don't get drunk and bang a married chick pep talk...
sold 4 oz of weed today pantsless. man i love college.
it was either a cry for help or you were gargling vodka. we didnt care either way.
i woke up and found a picture of his grandma in my purse.. im a kelpto
Why is it that every study session with you turns into a hunt for drugs?
I'm just so happy. I go to sleep and when I wake up there will be chocolate milk and penis.
So apparently I twerked on my coworkers last night. One month at the new job n I guess this is how I'm getting to know people
He said he didn't want to go down on me so I told him we were going to have an oral stalemate.
Well I may have gotten laid but I over drafted buying pizza so I think that negates everything
I just found weed in my bra #magicboobs2k16
ALL I WANT FOR CHRISTMAS IS FOR YOU TO SHUT THE FUCK UP FOR ONCE
She totals her lexus and all she wants is to have crazy wild sex.
Randomize
