i waited two years for her to sleep with me. it just didnt seem worth it.
she lost her virginity three hours after you dumped her.
are you serious?
hahahahahahhahahahaha. 26, Dominican, has a funny accent, thinks I'm hot. Tots boning.
I apparently took a 45 minute shower, and became best friends with his mom.
He had one of those small greek statue penises
he used his one phone call on me and it said "you have a collect call from- LETS GET IT- at the montgomery county jail".
You are writing your college essay comparing yourself to Lady Gaga, Vladimir Putin, and Dale Earnhardt Jr. and you are worried about the conclusion sounding cheesy?
Yeah, clearly. And then we can float around my room on Christmas themed inner tubes. And drink, I guess.
E drugging s springing. Ease dnt Kate. To t e. ess e I meant thou.
Why is there a chicken nugget nailed to my front door?
Worst case scenario, I put a giant cork in your vagina so you don't give birth before my birthday
Yeah man i woke up and only had a Jimmy John's wrapper covering myself..
Yeah even if I got stabbed it would be worth it
How to not get laid: tell him he reminds you of your brother. While having sex. Thanks, vodka.
I JUST AGREED TO GO TO A CHILD'S BIRTHDAY PARTY AT A PLACE CALLED PUZZLE'S FUN DOME WHY DO I HATE MYSELF
the girl who hid my weed when the cops came has a birthday coming up. i feel like i should get her something.
Randomize
