Clothes are such an inconvenience.
You had already cockblocked me. The cops were just an assist.
I am at the point where deciding not to drink alone is worth a rocky music montage in and of itself.
Just rented the SCUBA equipment. Meet me at the pool to test the underwater beer bong idea.
I want to apologize in advance for texting you a picture of my penis tonight.
what is the protocol for being hungover enough to vomit in a potted plant during my botany lecture?
The girls at the police department photocopied my drinking ticket and told me to frame it and hang it on my wall. Then they gave me a free muffin and told me to party smarter next time.
You didn't even properly utilize my pigtails.
I can't wait till we are old and wrinkly and I can turn to you and ask, "Remember when you Rick Jamesed the shit out of that couch??"
you got coffee,laid,and a sandwich. that never happens when I work
Executive order 941: BRING ME THE FINEST PANCAKES!
You have got to stop watching the West Wing before going out.
I can check masterbating in China off the bucket list.
Her mom came down to the basement and took shots with us. She's now passed out in a wheel barrow. This party got weird
I'm going to blackout. I realize this
Omg I just looked in my purse from last night.. 10 bags of gummy bears.
Randomize
