Lesson learned: don't hide your vodka in your little brothers toy box.
McDonalds has hash browns for only a quarter!....how many u want?
All of them
Why the hell does jager make you get to the point of having to army crawl around cause you cant feel your legs and scream jaga bombs when puking??
drunk tastebuds have low standards.
Just used your umbrella as a puke sheild. Thanks man.
shes the only person ive ever met that could make "i don't swallow" sound sexy
Get everyone into the kitchen. I need you all to witness me friend-zoning him. Just in case.
This is now the friendly bartender typing for him. He wants to be on you. He is going to "destroy your vagina". Good luck and sorry if this woke you up!
You did it first. I was merely expressing my support for you, by pressing my testicles against a window.
Woke up naked on your sister's mattress lying next to a single slice of bread.
You tried to steal my pants at 3am saying they were yours and somebody was gonna die, not cool dude
I LinkedIn messaged people about jobs when I was blacked out
I had no plans to sleep with him, but he had to stay because of the snow. I always say, don't look a gift storm in the mouth.
I gave in, made out with her, and long story short, I'm giving hetero another try.
I was so high last night that at one point I kept licking his neck saying he tasted like soap and truffles.
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