I want to stick my p in your. b.
Best walk of shame ever - Brown Hennesy shirt, bright blue overly large basketball shorts, stilettos from night before - ended up buying a ton of 40's and a 30 pack of coors.
Where are you?
A place I should not be.
Dude wtf I'm sitting behind some girl in class who is creeping on my facebook page. I don't even know who she is..
So chef boyardee smells exactly the same after you throw it up
i literally discovered the exact same thing last week. i had the lasagna one
ravioli
im pretty sure every drug dealer is going to be able to retire the day after alice in wonderland comes out
your boyfriend is drunk and yelling to the bar that he loves his cats
I can't wait to see you, I've been doing mouth stretches for the past 2 days
How many ice cream sandwiches is an acceptable meal replacement?
2.5
Saturday dinner is funfetti cake and merlot. Singlehood has come to this.
Alright dude i'm gonna go to go sleep off this soberness. my life is a cosmic joke
Hamster emergency. Can u come in here
How do you explain to a guy that he's like a little puppy dog that you play with, but then leave at the shelter to go home to your German Shepard?
oh btw ur so lucky i got stoned and passed out or we sooo would have bedazzled your dick while you slept. just sayin.
I just found three upside down bottles of grapejuice in a triangle around the air freshener above my toilet... I guess it was one of those nights
I have dined. Now I want to get fucked.
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