Party's warming up, a tranny just got here...
ofcourse shes the first one pregnant. wasnt she the one who asked the middle school health teacher how many calories are in sperm?
I guess I should mention that I have already fucked the Fed Ex guy.
That changes everything.
I just shaved my vag with a razor my dad left when he was here a few months ago. Too hungover to think about the Freudian connotations
All I'm saying is that she needs to invest in some razors. But her head game is great. The pros and cons in last minute hook-ups
Walked into the bar with my burrito and ordered a round of shots for everyone. Not sure if I want to look at the credit card statement.
we got hammered off table wine and i ended up biting my acrylic nail off so i could finger his butt.. ill never look at valentines day the same
So. Much. Sex. I feel like i ran a marathon then someone kicked me in the vagina. Soo worth it
WHAT KIND OF DUMPSTER DOESNT HAVE PIZZA IN IT?
I just texted him and asked him to keep some in case I need help sealing the deal.
Girl Scout cookies are like roofies for fat chicks.
I've officially done it all, fucked a girl wearing a twister board. ABC parties are amazing!
You come home the day the world is supposed to end. Well played Mayans.
I got back from work this morning after working the night shift to find an NFL player scaling the side of our apartment...from your window. He just took sneaking out to all new level. Care to explain?
I think that about sums it up, actually.
the conference was great. we had to hide the acid in a planter in front of the department of agriculture though
I wish I could have a tequila IV with me all the time. Intravenous tequila intoxication.
Randomize
