I checked for jungle juice on Weight Watchers. they didn't have it.
Well I pulled a muscle in my leg dancing in the tanning booth drunk at 1 pm soooo there's that
Just re-gained consciousness in the freshman girls dorm. Normally this would be awesome but I'm on the floor surrounded by chicks doing their homework. This makes me uncomfortable but I don't think they know I'm awake yet. If I b-line for the door can you come get me?
You were carrying around a milk crate, randomly putting it down calling out 'praise be to the milk gods' and making people pray to it.
When he wears his hair down and sandals, he looks like Jesus. A Jesus I would fuck.
That's not what Jesus is for
Witnessing a crazy lady on the bus screaming about how romney is one of the four horsemen of the apocalypse.
Yo if you blacked out last night, careful going through your purse. There's cocaine in a lollipop wrapper.
Can't find our DD
He's backstage giving the strippers foot massages.They kidnapped him the moment he walked thru the door.
Bro, she said she wanteo to fuck me with my white Nike cap on so I resemble a douchebag. I think my choice of women might be coming into question
I'm too high and old for this...
I think I may be going on too many job interviews. I've started to bring up Shonda Rhimes in my interview answers.
I looked into this "it's just lunch" matchmaker thing and it was like 5 grand. If I'm gonna spend five grand I'll throw in another three and get new tits and find my own fucking husband.
This is Ryan, Kristin's husband. I don't know if you meant to send that pic to me at 3am. You may want to call Kristin. Neat piercing though.
If my one night stand asked me to move in with him right after does it still count as a one nighter?
wow. that really looks like a penis. not a top hat
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