It was like if Side-show Bob had a vagina for a mouth
I had to fart so bad so i let it go hoping it would be quiet, it was loud and shit came out!!! and i couldnt leave because her parents were behind me
Blow job in a bar bathroom for my Thing 1 while in a onezie dressed up as Thing 2. Best Halloween ever.
I bet the Cat in the Hat never caused mischief like that.
Im like a co-bf. he pays for her birthday and christmas, but i get all the action.
Nope it's him. He's whispering to himself and buying asparagus.
If my bosses could see, smell or hear me right now they would understand why its a horrible idea to keep the office open sundays
Jason and steven are boiling shrimp in the microwave again
I like yr title more along "the hot Russian I have sex with."
I'll probably regret it tomorrow. But right now, accepting this $2000 credit card so that I can finance booty calls from across the united states sounds like a golden idea.
I'm trying not to drink. I may fall down if I move. This is bad. I had everclear before the bar. Oh no. Oh no. Breathe. Breathe. Breathe.
You kept yelling "NO CAPES" at me for no apparent reason
He and I are in a competition of who can sleep with the most people at work. We're tied at two. I could win this if they'd stop hiring damn straight girls.
We were drunk waiting for tacos and I gave him a handy in the back of the Uber while giving the driver relationship advice. I think I'm handling the whole grad school thing alright.
Literally I can feel my heart beat in my vagina because of how sore I am
I just saw a guy faceplant off a unicycle while holding a saxophone, while his buddy riding another unicycle and sporting a flute rode by laughing
Only at UConn...
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