I woke up to him trying to put his dick in my mouth. When I asked him what he was doing he said he was trying to make me stop snoring...
He has jerked off in so many socks I am surprised he doesn't have athletes dick
oh btw spread eagle is not an appropriate phrase to use in a scientific presentation. learned that the hard way
There's a girl in here wearing a kaballah bracelet and a miley Cyrus tshirt. consider her judged.
Just rolled over and realized my vodka goggles are not as functional as my beer goggles
I just realized I'm gonna get paid at midnight on New Years Eve. That could be dangerous.
I can't believe you're fucking in the bar bathroom, but everyone else can, and they're really proud.
i said she could sleep in my bed and she goes "iiiiiiii warned you. iiiiim a cuddlerrrrrr!" slightly regretting this..
I'm sure it was awkward. I've never had a professor expose parts of them to me before.
I was just compiling a top 5 blowjobs list and that's in there for sure.
Ice cream after masturbating>masturbating any other time
thanks for the 52 voicemails of you and crystal reciting the pleg of allegance
I put you to bed and you would not go unless I let you sleep with the vodka
He's unconstrained by sanity, physics, or his liver.
Her mom Is so hot that when she was bending over i just zoned out starin at her ass her dad slapped me on the back an said let me tell you son everything you see here is mine and you had better realize i felt like simba
Randomize
