I want a gay best friend. or apple sauce either one is fine with me
Drunk roommate walked in on us and asked if we wanted to go eat a sandwich with her in the bathroom.
just woke up to a get well card i wrote myself when i was drunk. it was by the advil. i am a cocky bitch.
when she first told me she hooked up with him my initial response was to shout "WE HAVE SOMETHING IN COMMON!"
I called her 20 times. Apparently she went home to do MORE shots before bed. Didnt miss me until this morning. WHO FORGETS THEIR HIGHSCHOOL SISTER AT A FRAT?
All those movies are bullshit, there is no way to run down a line of parked cars, they`re too far apart. my faces hurts so much right now
Did you put pizza in my boxers last night?
I left you 4 hours ago. Have you been walking around with shit in your pants all day?
Dude get here. I just re-invented nachos. For real though. They werent real before right now
Sending a pic of labia to send to the TN Legislator. Obviously they don't think I know what to do with it so I'm gonna ask them for advice.
We just saw two bitche in pink capris jazzercising down the road. On Thanksgiving.
Drunk me also decided it would be funny to change all the passwords on my computer last night. Now I can't log into anything.
I'm concerned I may die tonight. All I've been told about my bday shenanigans is to bring slutty clothes, a bikini, tylenol, sunglasses and pjs. Tell me what the fuck is going on...now
bring lube too
i hate all of you
I made him dinner in just his cowboy hat and my boots after we did it...you should see his face :)
oh.. my GOD my dad just text me... "i need a naked women" ........... help?
In a meeting I sneezed and my tooth hit the floor. I don't think anyone noticed. I would still like to die now.
Randomize
