dude you have to find out what a girl's name is before you sleep with her. if her name is debbie she's boring, if her name is lauren she's an overrated hoebag, if her name is meagan she gived bad head.
I mean we're not committed. He's my first choice, sort of like miller lite. When I'm at the bar I'm going to order one, but if they don't maybe I'll go for a bud or blue moon. I'm certainly not going to stop drinking
walking in back of a girl wearing booty shorts, a halter and a bracelet that says trainwreck. I don't get it. The first day of nice weather and all the whores come out, are they like hibernating bears or something?
It's chlamydia! Thank God!
Those foam number one hands, are the BEST socks.
who were those guys at the table sniffing dryer sheets?
Friends bring friends secret work margaritas. my pink water bottle is in the cupboard
Bring my gorilla suit and my bong.
Oh its going to be that type of weekend?
Thanks for letting me use your ID, there's $120 along with your ID in the mail to cover the Urinating in public fine I got last night....sorry
dont iron anything. we fucked on the ironing board. details to follow.
I told him I liked how shrimp feels in my mouth, but I don't actually like eating it. Turned out to be the most awkward way to say that I wanted to suck his dick.
I think it's a scientific achievement that I can make jelly that is 95% vodka so suck it up.
Do you want to go soon I'm overthinking life and my butthole again
Sorry 4 always trying to rope you into my sexual exploits
1 why did you tell them where i peed last night and 2 where the fuck are you
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