I was just walking through Burbank and saw a hobo using solar panels on his shopping cart. We must be in trouble if the hobos are researching alternative sources of fuel...
you were sitting on my toliet with a double cheesburger in your hand asking me how the cheeseburger even got there.
My new excuse for sleeping with him was in celebration of his cat's birthday.
Is there anything medically wrong with drinking beer from a vagina?
How did the beer even get there in the first place?
That's not what's important right now
After Sake bombs he tried to puke into an alluminum beer bottle and shot vomit streaks in a perfect V out the sides of his mouth and hit BOTH girls he had bought drinks for that night. He was like an Icon of Cock-blocking yourself.
I'm going to start telling people I'm a sophomore so they stop asking me about college and what I want to do with my life
I dunno. It's not as good as 'devourer of cocks' but I suppose few things are.
the welcome home hickey he left on my boob is really gunna put a damper on the rest of my thanksgiving hook up plans with the rest of my ex's
Drinking vodka in the bathtub.... If I don't make it, I thank you for your magical parts
did you really just send me an instagramed dick pic?
Cover your phone. Photos of streaking frat guys incoming.
I'm not sure. But a mason jar of drug free urine just as soon as anyone can would be so awesome.
I was looking up travel destinations and somehow I ended up reading Paul's first letter to the Corinthians. I need to start going to church high...
I just need some dick and some jimmy johns
the last i saw he was butt naked on the top deck of the bus trying to conduct a drunken choir so i really have no idea
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