Just saw a guy wearing pink jeans and i bet he's straight. Fuck 2009.
My 40 year old neighbors are throwing a party for their eight year old niece's birthday. It's 1am and they're still partying hard. Harder than me. It's Saturday. Just say it, I'm a disgrace to the generation.
god is playing jersey shore on new years on purpose. he wants me to play drinking games and die. i wish he knew how serious this is.
Dude's from Puerto Rico. Majoring in Spanish is like us majoring in drinking with a minor in watching Forgetting Sarah Marshall.
Like I said I'm looking on the bright side. The bright side just happens to be filled with penis attached to hot marines
she sent me pictures of 3 different vaginas and if I could pick which one was hers i could sleep with her.
I was always good at matching as a child.
Dude in front of me just jumped out of line at Starbucks to go puke. Vegas in prime form.
My meds have diminished my sex drive, this must be what regular women feel like
U can find me on my couch hungover eatin tuna evaluating my life
He broke into my house just to tell me the door was locked.
I walked into my room last night at 4 am and there's a random dude in his boxers eating oatmeal on my futon. I looked at him and went to bed
oh you can't commit, don't have any real ambitions, and love to drink PBR? well.... sign me up!
Considering what happened last night and how horrible I feel, I look amazing
Did I literally just offer a blowjob for help moving? Yes. Yes, I did.
I must be really high or they really did just bring me a banana split instead of a burger
Randomize
