im orety awesome arent i? relly i know i am
How does everyone that never saw me naked know I'm built like a smurf?
she has a miserable personality but its a good think you dont have sex with that
pussy has no personality
Amen to that
iPhone photo doodle is awesome. I gave my vagina some lazers and sent it to him. He has a whole series waiting on his phone for when he gets off the plane.
There's nothing I can say to make me pepper spraying you any better
It was kind of like a train wreck, except alcohol would have improved the situation greatly.
They put me in charge of something. Why the fuck would you look at me and put me in charge of something while i'm double fisting peach mimosas at a baby shower
She looks like if Peter Griffin was a lesbian.
Run away.
I have a challenge for you: find out where you are. you will receive Taco Bell if you succeed
I'm sorry I drunk dialed you before realizing that you were already in bed with me.
Can I join you for some emotional "Post: The Ohio State University's first lose in football after a 24 game winning streak" sex?
The twitch Bob Ross stream is the happiest little hangover cure ever.
I'm to the point where I just want to get back at him in a hot man sex tornado way.
You took all of your clothes off and tried to seduce me and while trying to seduce me you decided you were too drunk and passed out.
I dunno that I'd be trusting enough of junkyard tequila to drink it.
Randomize
