I just wanted to draw pictures of limp wieners on peoples doors and smash pictures of palm trees. That's it.
No matter how drunk I am, I will take the time to wipe a pube off the toilet seat.
you're just mad because in the hogwarts world I'm Harry and you're Ron. get over it.
Had a couple pieces of pizza for breakfast...suck on that Jamie Oliver.
Starting drinking whiskey at eight. Already had ten girls looking up my kilt to make sure I'm wearing it right.
I've reached the slutty point of no return. And it feels like multiple orgasms and coke lines
I only get commercials for vodka and Rogaine now. You're exactly right, Hulu. That's exactly right.
But youre all cute and shit. Woo that cunt. And by cunt i mean strong independent woman
I think I just got judged by the pizza guy. dude, you deliver fucking pizza. you need rethink YOUR life.
I told him that I wanted his dick like I wanted a jumbo hot dog. There something wrong with my priorities
As I was balls deep, she moaned "i can't wait to see what how hot our daughter will be". Instant de-boner
we are not taking body shots with the irish cream
The ride home was alright, we hooked up in the street next to his car after he smashed into the guard rail
Sleeping with him wouldn't be considered hoeing out... It seems more like babysitting.
The best thing about last night is when drunk Lauren asked cop if she could smoke a joint in front of him. And next thing I remember she’s smoking weed with a cop. How awesome is that.
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