i was drunk at family dinner telling about my gay brothers sex ads on criags list
the only thing i have to deal with now is the fact that i'm still wearing spandex shorts from last night
So my earrings and necklace kept jingling and hitting him in the face, and he told me felt like he was fucking a Christmas tree
i just fucked the bartender on my cruise to get free alcohol. have things gone too far?
If i ever have a kid with an outie i'm giving it up for adoption
Dude you have to come get or im gonna nail this 64 y/o woman as repayment for buying me shots of jager
Because once my penis is in motion, it stays in motion unless another force acts upon it.
Too lazy to make dinner. Had chocolate and scotch instead. Check in with me in a half hour.
You were asking her how her mother would feel if y'all dated, etc. And I was yelling at you your girlfriends name over and over again in between gags and sobs.
I'm 25 and I shit my bed last night. And I'm telling you about it. Not sure which is worse
If muffins & morning blowjobs don't make him happy, frankly, I don't think anything will.
Twist bend and done? Jesus that sounds like a seventh grade hand job.
I drank all the wines... and all th Doritos. Whilst watching Fat Camp. I need to reassess my values.
beach body workouts will consist of dancing and cocaine, and sugar free redbull
My favourite part was when you contorted upside down in the tub and said "I don't want to be upside down"
Randomize
