It was like a Michael Bay sized explosion located in my pussy.
i think the fact that he graduated high school the year i graduated elementary school is sexy.
I just saw a guy give a mop to his fat wife and say "Look, an exercise stick!"
You are colorful like whore, yet adorable, like sad puppy. You need more drink.
Question. Will thrown up fruit loops go down the shower drain?
i always knew that i'd have sex in your room, i just assumed it would be with you
So on how many levels of wrong is it that I'm reconsidering my divorce simply because I don't want to go through getting used to shitting around someone again.
This is how I ended up being the slutty friend isn't it?
She has a lazy eye!
My other option is a hardwood floor
Reading old FB posts. Why did I ever stop drinking?
Just read 119 best sex positions. I wanna try 107 of them. Can I put you down for 50?
I came so hard I burst a blood vessel in my eye. If i cant marry this girl, I'm gonna have to switch teams.
We get drunk and make out in different places. Is that what love is?
and i thought it was paint or jizz but it was cheese
please tell me you didnt taste test that
Im so fucked up I'm drinking baileys and coffee just to stay awake.
It's 6 in the afternoon?
Randomize
