just used a paint mixing cup as a shot glass. thank u art school.
Way too hungover to be taking this many family pictures
Are you seriously trying to guilt me into sending you naked pictures by saying "So I can look at them during dialysis" ?
Is it working?
i think the beer goggles wore off after hearing the story of her 2nd abortion
A guy wearing a hard hat while floating the river. It's the most responsible drinking we saw all day.
Omg I just met another drunk guy that is teaching me karate
Bro I am trying to have one night stands nothing more, unless she is baking waffles I can eat out of her butthole I am not interested
They sat me on college avenue with a puke bucket and people were mistakenly throwing change in it. Got me enough money take a cab back to my apartment.
I fucking give up. OKC is where small penises go to disappoint me.
He is the blood diamond of hook ups. You think you want it...but you don't
Did you know that pizza hut has a wedding proposal box? And sorry for being kinda drunk yesterday when you got here
I just changed all my morning alarms to wake me up with different Jesse McCartney songs telling me I'm beautiful. Would you believe I'll be 25 this year?
Jamie's fucking a senior citizen and I'm eating chips and salsa in the shower at 2am, so whatever you're doing it can't be worse.
I think drunk me saved him in my phone as "beautiful man" to play a joke on sober me
One of my tenants at my fourplex that I own gave me a massive bag of severely dank pot and a brick of cocaine because she didn't have the cash to pay the rent. She might just be my favorite tenant!
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