Seriously, it was like sucking my thumb.. and im not even saying that to be spiteful b/c he is a really nice guy.
Canada: barely better than America at a sport they invented.
It took 5 minutes to find my bra.. in his car.
Oh, I never thought you were a dick. You were one of the best morally comprised ideas I've ever had.
he's gonorrhea incarnate
I know it's not technically the "Mile High Club" but we def need a name for the airport bathroom. Cuz that just happened.
Ummm so I'm at the hospital and just heard some guy get tazed......twice.
Decided I'm going to wear a shirt that says "I'm sorry" whenever we go back to that fraternity
Did you cry?
I don't think so. I definitely lost my cool though
Yeah i think jesus would lose his cool in that situation
So after I fell off 4 times we concluded I'm not allowed to ride him anymore.
My mom just called hysterical. She and her sister found my dead grandma's vibrator.
The apple don't fall far from that tree.
So it's official the pockets of my work apron exist solely for the purpose of secretly flipping off asshole customers and not losing my job.
Lest it die in the depths of eternal drunken recall denial...we peed in the street. Middle of the street. Simultaneously. Peed. Street. Middle of street.
Dude, I'm sorry if you saw me getting head in my truck last night. My bad.
Im experiencing the awkward moment after realizing two of my straight female friends have had sex with each other
Randomize