Any little, cute, petite blondes with you?
Nah, I got some slutty brunettes though.
We're going to play a drinking game. It's called "Senior Year of College."
look, i dont wanna be "that girl" but if someone offers me coke in exchange for sex, i cant say no.
After he came he asked what I was doing for thanksgiving.
If I don't come back from Italy with aids I did somethign wrong
The usual, bring face make up, I have a weird gash on my nose, probably from my one night stand
Recycling day makes me feel more like an alcoholic than regular days.
This is simple. Just sex and high fives. No feelings.
You should probably stop your little brother from ruining thanksgiving. I just caught him trying to stuff a cake in a drawer... And now he's puking.
In related news, I couldn't want to blow you more if your dick made harmonica noises.
I need to start using my boobs for good instead of weed. Although really they're kind of the same thing
I woke up and there was a mans ass as my screensaver...
I asked Tony because I knew he wouldn't give me a lecture about consequences
???? Tony IS a lecture about consequences
How fast can you get here?\nI need to ride your cock into the sunset.
OMG I accidentally abducted a cat. Now there is a cat in my apartment. I NEED TO UNDO WHAT I HAVE DONE
Randomize
