Free body shot off of Sarah. Expires never.
Nothing too bad. Lost a stuffed horse on a stick and tore my clothes off. Again.
also i tucked his toothbrush in my shirt. why? i dont know.
pretend to be my girlfriend and sign me up for tool academy
I finally got laid.. you said it wouldn't happen.
yeah, but the first step is admitting you have a problem, the next step is kidnapping him
The walk home from the bar is FAR more shameful in daylight.
Im about to get a baby alligator stoned, what are you doing with your life?
did i really sing to your nipples last night?
yes. and it was oddly very seductive
Not even joking, someone broke into the house to watch porn. The cops are on the way.
Hahaha idk what's worse your life or my hangover.
"Yeah because the first thing I think of when I hear the word college is tear gas."
If you wanna fuck the pudding, fuck the pudding. Just not the chocolate, Im gonna eat that.
He ate me out in the warehouse on a pallet of sunlight soap. I fucking love night shift!
If I told the doordash driver it's national nudity day, think he'd still report me for being topless at the door?
Randomize
