I tried to gradually lead her into my room but she wouldn't stop crying and quoting memoirs of a geisha
and I'm going to name my autobiography "blow jobs with enthusiasm are the best"
I'm naming my autobiography "Reasons Not to Date Girls From Texas."
i'm calling it girls night to make myself feel better but lets be real.....i wasn't going to get any guys tonight regardless
We have a hundred jello shots. Lines will be crossed.
Things got outta hand once she told me to water-board her with Patron.
No, this is non-alcoholic oatmeal.
My liver is crying. And I feel like I got fingered by Edward Scissorhands. While he was wearing brass knuckles
How do I go about messaging a girl on a dating site whose little sister I've had a three some with...?
He stole all of his parent's vodka WHILE they were in the room, and then opened the window and snuck out. I was watching from my truck
My new roommate just announced that she got her period, popped a percoset, smoked a bowl, and started playing a video game. She says she's not moving till it's over. New hero?
Gotta get new sheets. ..I fucked the satin off mine.
my human sexuality class is the only class where the porn i watch the night before is relevant to the discussion the next day
well I've taken an Uber to my weed dealers twice in the past 2 weeks so it's going well since I sold my car
Hey! How are you feeling? Still preferring soup over sex?
Look don't ask questions just know that one thing led to another and I have a shot glass stuck in my ass. I need your help!!!
Randomize
