My roommate still talks on AIM. What is this middle school?
Dignity is for republicans.
Hey for future reference vodka can not be substituted for water when shaving your legs
There's a very real possibility that I'll wake up in your uncle's driveway.
Confirmed. Vegetarians give terrible head.
No but the chipped one is crooked now. Clearly I didn't use my hands to break my fall. I used my face
My mom slipped a condom in my pocket along with a sticky note that said "be safe sweetie."
You made out with a guy who refers to his cock as "rafiki." Are you proud of yourself?
No. More. Tequila. Even the hot dog guy felt bad for me and you know that guy has seen some crazy shit.
James this is colleen. This is my new number. You just texted my grandma about getting cockblocked. Congratulations.
if you didn' use the plastic sword on the cop. maybe this wouldn't have happened.
She sent me a pic wearing only my batman cape. She stole my cape dude!
I bought a box of wine on my way home. I figured if I’m going to be broke during the holidays, I might as well be able to drink about it.
Look I'm really high right now, and if I were to leave this house, it would be for the sole purpose of getting an ice cream sandwich. So can you please just do it.
Wanna meet at the diner for breakfast? all I've eaten in the past 24 hours is glitter and penis. starvingg.
Randomize
