I thought he was gonna sex me but then he ran to my bathroom and jerked off
Hooked up with my old baby sitter last night, so what do I do? As I was sucking her tits I decided it would be a good idea to say " goo goo gah gah"....it wasn't a good idea.
Stuck behind a lady in her 70's purchasing a plastic handle of vodka and nothing else. She is writing a check. Hello future.
I've made out with men from every corner of the globe. Sex-wise, I've almost conquered europe. Take that napoleon
Tell nick i'm sorry for throwing a block of cheese at him last night
i'm traumatized. his orgasm face consisted of him looking like my dead grandfather and burping.
I literally just wielded a katana to save a child's life. What did you do today?
dude I just got a noise complaint from my apartment people for loud sexual activities. I'm framing this for sure
Just cause I'm shitfaced wasted every night waking up in random beds all over Manhattan does not mean I'm a mess.
Truth. Respect the hustle.
I will also take that commission in the form of weed. Pass that on to the asst. manager.
What exactly do I say to a random stoner hookup to thank him for ending my dry spell? Is it awkward to just say "Thanks for that. It was well needed."
I found a blow up pig at an adult store. He will have to fuck that on video if he wants anal. Also, I bought a pair of clear high heels. Tell your brother I love him.
He was stoned and starts screaming, "I ain't got but a dollar, I wanna hear waterfalls!". Maybe he can hang with us....
I'm 4,715,723% sure I don't give a fuck.
I have filthy fantasies involving his tongue. My vagina almost exploded while he was licking that ice cream cone.
Randomize