Watching Miami Social reminded me of how much I miss snorting coke with burger king straws in a life guard hut on the beach until we noticed someone was drowning.
Did you save them?
Who?
Update: Discussing lingerie with my father. He likes sheer black things. Not into the colorful stuff I wear.
puking up blue gatorade is not as nearly as much fun as it sounds
God you better not be texting me after just having sex with someone from craigslist
I sat on his lap and we shared a beer. I feel like that's an invitation to his dick.
i can now proudly say that ive peed off of a balcony overlooking the pacific ocean AND a balcony overlooking the atlantic ocean
Tell him I'm the girl who was excited he spoke English. Then ask him where he picked me up from.
She twisted her ankle and paid a homeless guy for a piggy back ride home from the bar.
I kept resisting the urge to yell "2 for 2!" so they could hear me on the other side of the wall.
I chased him for half a mile, lost him then somehow ended up at his house. Is that still considered stalking? I WAS drunk.
They got mad when I cut the pizza with an x-acto knife. Oh well, more for me then.
The worst part about living in a small town is partying with your pharmacist and then having to buy Plan B from him the next morning.
You could totally spank that new found Catholicism out of him.
You can't leave me alone in times of distress because I will fuck things 🙈😐
Charging my vibrator at work. Pray to god I don't forget it!!!
Randomize
