This bar is like a mediocre whore house....but free
I just rolled a joint with a page from On The Road by Kerouac. I have never felt like more of a hipster.
just threw up in the bushes outside my lecture hall. sometimes i hate the freedom college gives you.
I wish orgasms lasted as long as the pain from rug burn
New game: find the sober person in Tbell
sometimes you just have to pull up your panties, blow a kiss to the security camera and walk out of the alley like nothing happened.
Dong worry about me. I just cashed bottle of wine when I found out he was in town, I'm being dramatic. I'll text you tomorrow when I'm sober and my face stops bleeding
You were crying and asking his mom "why doesn't he like road head?"
im standing in line right now while the 711 manager calls other locations to see if they have the john cena collectors slurpee cup in stock...yep i need to get laid
Update: I only have one shoe. The other one now belongs to the gods of jello-wrestling. May it rest in peace.
I hope my tampon is in his bed. That'll teach him. Happy new years btw
If court goes my way we are flying to Vegas.
Kyle found me outside his apartment in the hallway. Said he didn't hear me knock bt smelled alcohol through the door. I'm sucha bitch to my liver
Yay! Also. When you're coming down eat waffles and touch yourself. You won't regret it.
I can barely operate my hands; what makes you think I can operate my dick
Randomize
