Asian chick on skype stripping for me. Hold on give few min
having sex with him was like banging macgyver. he did the most amazing shit with the simplest things
Didn't get laid. But got a free pie from a waitress. A whole pie.
I'm pretty sure last night was the first time I've seen someone drink beer-soaked paper towels. Ever.
My mom slipped a condom in my pocket along with a sticky note that said "be safe sweetie."
Today I'm judging my level of singleness on a scale of one to eat-a-can-of-frosting. It's not looking good for me.
Ooooh. Get funfetti
After I finished inserting the catheter he said he thought my name was familiar. Didn't have the nerve to tell him he was my fifth grade teacher.
He's like the unplanned child of drunkenness
The blow job award ceremony was a little much. You guys didn't need to call out what happened the night before.
What? How can you say that? You won!
Best part about a crippling state-wide drought? Actually having a valid excuse for not showering
I need you to ship me a penis cookie care package.
Stop fucking Sharon's exes.
Sorry it took me so long to reply. I was fucking Sharon's ex.
But what if there are 6 people and they end up just pairing the off into 3 couples. Is it still an orgy?
Go have sex with him right now! Drunk sex is the best sex.
I know but these gold fish are so much better
And, by “make you dinner” I mean “have lots of sex and multiple orgasms.” So you should probably eat something and before you come over
And hydrate too
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