Just so you know, I have a bf.
I guess as long as you bring single girls over and cook cannolis you will still be useful.
i don't know how the hand towel got involved, but i peed all over it
The problem with having your drunkeness documented at a wedding is not only does it show up all over facebook, but all over professional photography websites.
You are such a cockblock sometimes
You NEED a cockblock sometimes
a kid puked on the floor and instead of, you know, cleaning it they cut a square out of the carpet with a boxcutter and threw it outside
if I see a bottle of vodka right now I'll probably throw up gum I swallowed when I was a kid
THERE IS A GOAT THERE IS A GOAT IN MY BED IT IS EATING MY THONG WHAT DID YOU DO
After last night, I think I need a service animal to monitor the life choices I make when I'm inebriated. A monkey, or a clever dog. Or a really assertive parrot.
I definitely don't remember licking the drag queens boob.
My hand smells like rave and peanut butter.
You've opened Pandora's butthole my friend. There's no going back.
I'm at that point in my life where keeping an extra pair of underwear in my purse is normal.
I got my gum stuck on his balls.
yea so the plan to relive our college glory days was great and all but ending up in the er with alcohol poisoning was crossing the line
she squeaked mid orgaism. I laughed she cried
Randomize
