I'm gonna cuddle the shit out of you tomorrow
Free body shot off of Sarah. Expires never.
I have to decide between the hot young blond with no apparent gag reflex, and the brunette with a great ass and a trust fund.
My dad just told me he used to masturbate to cat woman...he then proceeded to beat my brother in beer pong and wont let me play...
she called me screaming that i shouldn't ignore her phone calls, because she's not trying to get me to hang out with her and she doesn't want to be my girlfriend, she just wants sex.
what did you do?
i asked her out. that's so hot.
So I'm cool with the whole break up, but it sure is a shame we didn't get to use those handcuffs.
i'm smoking hookah in a kayak. how did this happen.
I was in a threesome last night that turned into a violent domestic dispute with damage to a hotel. Wish you were there!
there are seriously like six guinea pigs in my bathtub right now
You should see the damage i did to the apartment last night. So many broken things and butter sticks stuck to windows.No memorys
Remember that pineapple I soaked in vodka last month? Just found it- nothing is growing on it? Think it's safe?
Beautiful fucking linguistics Shakespeare, but youre still not doing that to my face
That moment when the line ‘If you want a hot body you better work bitch’ in Britney Spears’ new song comes on as you’re using two forks to shovel enchilada into your mouth.
Also I'm sorry for asking you to shave my vagina for me last night
when i was on the highway she passed out and knocked my transmission into nuetral with her forehead...that was an experience
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