oh my god. my mom just found my pipe. she thought it was a dildo.
like i said, there should be a sitcom about your family.
battery dying...get laid and text me after...or during...its whatever.
His housemate was playing a sad violin solo for me on my way out. God I hate musicians.
tried to order jimmy johns from the ER last night, the nurses did nottt approve
I don't remember anything other than how good it felt when I peed my pants.
sleazy september. first one with mono loses.
I was trying to be an adult about it and simply deal with the situation, but a bowl seemed much more comforting.
I think I'm still drunk and I think you were in my dream (sadly, it was not a sexual bill murray one).
You asked me to pick a color between pink and purple, and I said orange; you told me, "okay, that's a truth question". Then you asked if I had ever deep-throated a cupcake...I didn't even know what to say.
our next stoner-chievment: cream of shroom soup. Get over here, this is happening!
The typical response to someone smacking their vodka soaked hand on your face is not to put your face in their crotch
Taking dicks and breaking hearts, no better life
so the casino kicked my ass last night, i'm pretty sure i hit a new level of hungover....just showered with my sunglasses on because the bathroom light is too bright
U wanna come over and watch talidaga nights. Ill make pancakes
What? It's 130 in the morning.
Aww come on i make bomb ass pancakes
She dry humped my leg in the raw while I was still dressed, came, and then fell asleep on top of me. All I got was a bruised thigh. 2020 needs to end.
Randomize
