So.. my mom just told me she hasn't gotten laid in 7 years... I'm really disturbed.. at the same time... At least now I know why shes so damn cranky all the damn time
Please don't tell me you're asking me to have sex with your mother.
After 4 hours of foreplay he passed out and almost immediately peed in my bed. Naked. Like a fountain. Then tried to deny it in the morning by saying he just sweats a lot.
Leaving the dealer's house. He just gave me a sincere hug and said good luck. This cant end well.
So, i took all the condoms from his nightstand, not in the crazy ex way, but in the I paid for them way.
Just picture a dyson vacuum with razor blades. That's how it felt.
It was a karaoke bar combined with a liquor store and had a donkey pen in the back.
Keeping it classy as usual I see
I figure a girl that drinks as much as I do should always have pregnancy tests on hand
I'm pretty sure I did the Macarena with a gay guy while shot gunning a beer
He asked me what I wanted the cake to say and I then asked him if "I'm sorry for throwing up in your bed last night" was too long. He said it was...
And now I have fucked a local celebrity so double free drinks at bars.
I look like a bag of dicks so if you could ugly yourself up that'd be great.
This feeling I'm having... is it love or a combination of alcoholism and unprotected rough sex
I'm gonna have to kick a girl scouts ass...
Just saw my ex AGAIN. The constellation of gays must be at some sort of weird point with Mercury.
Is kiddo a correct name to call someone who you stuck your dick in?
Randomize
