Its official, cigarettes are now more expensive than weed
His ankle bracelet only gets in the way when I'm trying to take off his pants.
then he said "your boobs looked so much bigger on girls gone wild"
I forgot about that,good spring break.
Yeah I tried to leave with 3 drinks and the bouncer wouldn't let me, I slammed all 3 right in front of him and football spiked them in the trash can
We started snorting MDMA at 3 in the afternoon...it was never going to end well.
My cat clawed my face because i tried to give it a foot massage...never doing shrooms again.
So both cops helped talk her into coming back into the bar and doing a shot with me. The main argument being, "a bar is no place to be sober!"
Tonight I plan on passing out fully clothed on the table. I don't know where normal people plan on sleeping.
He said he didnt want to choke me, I said im sorry thats a deal breaker.
We were sad, then we got horny, and then we needed some ranch
I was gonna jerk off, but then I thought about that movie last night and it killed that idea. I have serious boner trauma.
My professor just asked for my number. Not fucking her till after finals though I learned my lesson last time.
its a recording of you guys having sex?!
its actually 30 minutes of him begging and then 2 minutes of sex.
But seriously like how many girls do you know that will do that on the first date?
One?
ONE! And it was was glorious!
Why would I want a relationship when I’m the side dick for my boss and a few women from the gym
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