From the crime scene it appears that I attempted to throw up into a candle.
i just told my mom tuesday boozeday rhymes so that she can remember not to text or call me on wednesday mornings
youre going to kill that woman one of these days
the last thing i remember is fucking her. GAME CHANGER i woke up in another bedroom to her younger sister blowing me
I hope no one judges me for becoming a facebook fan of "Adderall" at 5:49 AM...
I fucked my boyfriend 15 minutes before my pap test. My gyno probably thinks I hate her.
sorry i was making out with matt didn't mean for it to sound like that. there was no tone
there should be a new saying, don't text and tongue
but you must be fair and judge his penis by normal penis standards and not let your vision be clouded by the rare gem of a penis you have recently encountered
It's legal now for me to leave my boyfriend and marry you.
Sex last night was mind blowing. your wife is one lucky lady.
This is one of those times I wish I had a time machine so I could go back and punch myself in the face to make me realize what I need to do before it's too late
Guess who just made out with Sloth from The Goonies!
So I think I've successful blown my foot off in a way that's going to make you call me an idiot.
Why did two squirrels just run out from behind the couch?
About that.
Why are we so out going and care free I can't wait for maturity to kick in so we stop having 700 dollar bar tabs
I got subtly pornographic with a lollipop while we were talking and he got flustered and started to blush. If he’s not interested after that I need to turn in my vagina card.
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