I went for the touchdown every play, and I think I ended up with herpes.
I just realized I haven't had steady access to a woman's body since I was breastfeeding.
He has crabs, not bed bugs. I recommend incoporating a clinic on this mornings walk of shame route.
Soo time for a life change, my 6 yr old sister made my gf a puke bucket for her birthday
I started singing the national anthem on a train in London. Happy 4th of July assholes
Softest bathroom rug I've slept on in my life, there have been many
His response today determines what state my vagina will be in this weekend.
he asked me to lick his asshole and I told him his girlfriend could do that for him
FYI your bra is now hanging in the hallway as a trophy.
I mean in all honesty I would let James Franco shit on my chest. End of story
In my top drawer right now, there are see's chocolates, condoms, weed, and my vibrator. One way or another, this is going to be a good night
I stole an accordion from the bar
Accidentally
I'm having ragrets about stealing the accordion
Adderal can only make me focus so much. Your ass is stronger than my medicine. Congratulations.
Ahh yes. I lost my pants and swimming suit and phone charger. And I've found out who has them all even while hungover. Successful day. Nice party too.
day drinking didnt prepare me for this..
Randomize
