It's pouring out. I am cold, wet, and miserable.... Kind of reminds me of our sleepover last night.
If he comes back to you and I'm left alone in lonelytown I'm totally going to poo on your car.
New beer pong partner names "Bus Boys" ... We clear tables
You're such a slut.
I prefer opportunist.
smoking a bowl while I'm peeing. i love having a big dick.
My mouth feels like I've been chewing on leather and firecrackers for the past 3 days
Remember when I said "no boyfriend, no problems"? I lied. Tequila. Tequila is a problem.
So this 40 year old woman was trying to bring me into the bathroom to blow me and the bartender called the cops on her because she was showing her tits. Only in asbury.
You made her yell her own name while you were fucking so that you would remember it in the morning.
It's not so much that I'm giving her money because I threw up on her floor. It's more like I'm paying her to never ever mention it again.
Your life is one shit show away from being a lifetime movie.
She asked for references to decide whether she wanted to have sex with me. And she was serious.
Like woke up with a dick piercing kind of drunk.
I may or may not have puked near a bear on the side of the road this morning.
Fuck your fuckin pumpkin spice. You and your subtle differences frighten and disgust me.
Randomize
