WTF why am I in the Atlanta airport?
Blind date just said "Can't wait till I'm married so i can let myself go". There will be no second date.
ii just google-imaged 'sad turtle' and maggie gyllenhaal only came up once. what is the world coming to?
you made a powerpoint titled 'things i've drank tonight' and emailed it to me.
It's the foolproof way to identify who didn't get laid last night
Was it a good night or a bad night when you have to apologize to someone the next day for trying to fuck them with a turtle?
Why do you need me to cover for work?
I wouldn't say NEED but lets just say I smell like guacamole and semen.
Thanks for getting me stoned. My manager started quizzing me about the menu and I struggled until he asked me to describe the tortilla soup. I said "tasty"
Tequila pump. I'm ecstatic your engineering degree has real world application.
Not yoga, whiskey. Totally mis-typed whiskey.
Also...I'm semi-dating the drug dealer that took me to bible study
I'm two shots in and wandering around Barnes and Noble with $58 in singles.
who is the naked dude on the coffee table
thats jeff, jeff is nice so don't be rude
I used an explanation of Walking Marriages in the Mosuo Culture to successfully negotiate an open relationship. That Anthropology degree is finally starting to pay off.
Just puked most of my soul out..
Randomize
