either fucking kiss her or kick her ass to the curb. Either way I can hear everything you are saying
Jack off faster Americas best dance crew is beyonce themed
my math professor just wrote "parallel" on the board, but spelled it "pararrel". guess what country he's from
I was just walking down the hall and passed a very pregnant girl wearing a shirt that said "blame it on the aaaaaa-alcohol." I can't decide if she's brilliantly witty or just pointing fingers.
I just found out my mom named me after her fake ID from college...
Zak is like the Picasso of masterbatory texts
Your brother slept on my deck. There was a key under the mat. Relapse party success.
Her delivery came. She's ordered a pack of 144 condoms.
he thought it would be funny to put his dick inside a beer bottle and wear it around. until we all realized how small his dick would have to be to fit in a beer bottle
Fuck that, come home. Let's get drunk and judge people.
And I must've sleep walked to the fridge cause when I woke up, there I was, balls deep in a fudge pop.
Sooooooo this guy just asked me if I'd be interested in a threesome... I'm considering bc I would get to hang out with his dog afterwards.
My hands smell like penis... I can't even remember the last time i touched a penis, but my hands say i did. Oh the mystery.
Ok. After that I think I'm going to drag queen jello wrestling if you would care to join.
So then edible panties?
Jesus no he likes candy too much, I'd lose a lip
Randomize
