Our Neighbors are trying to steal our ducks!
Maybe I lied like you did about your herpes.
my Econ professor just passed around his phone for us to take a pic of ourselves so he could learn our names. I am currently looking him up on my sex offenders app.
Hey guess what I got for Valentine's day? Debt and blue balls.
Just learned the hard way that dicks can bruise the back of your throat to the extent that you cant eat. You're dead to me.
Just found out I reached my $2500 deductible and I have a $5 million dollar cap on my health insurance. Let's get drunk and do something recklessly stupid tonight.
I've created a drink called, "watching the sound of music with grandma." its straight vodka
He turned me down because he was still doing his taxes.
There're making snowcones with the leftover vodka from last night. This is not the time to be making up excuses!
He had me saved in his phone as "Dick Socket". Lets see if I ever fuck him in a bathroom again.
And apparently midway I said "hurry up and finish so we can talk about what a bad idea this was"
You started throwing frozen shot glasses at people and you kept saying "it's fine, they melt."
The shrooms have turned on carrie. Change of plans. We're getting stoned and finding bacon.
Nothing cures your heart after a boy calling you unattractive than a big fat dick
He fucked me so hard my contacts fell out! Didnt know that was possible.
Randomize