If you don't sleep with him after showing him your thong with the bow, I am no longer on your side.
i got iced as i was inside of her. i fucking hate my friends
her night didn't end so well, both of her boyfriends got arrested... together.
the girl walking home behind me started yelling and pointing "i want an ass like hers!" i feel vaguely accomplished.
You threw an open can of pop at me while I was lying on the floor babbling and drooling about how I need to be alone forever, me and my leaking face.
I'm eating Doritos that I crushed up n put in a cup so I only have to chill minimally.
I keep telling myself that if Britney can make it through 2007, I can make it through this date.
I can't promise that. They just put an extra shot in my margarita.
My mom just called hysterical. She and her sister found my dead grandma's vibrator.
The apple don't fall far from that tree.
We accept all of your sexual lovers, Jewish, episcopalian, atheist. Dick is dick
My vagina has a mind if its own. Can you imagine if I didnt have you to run her ideas through.
Having to crawl on my hands and knees because I woke up with a mysterious broken foot this morning...
yeah it's a weird friendship. we pretend that we're automatic besties but i know we both know i slept with her boyfriend
How does the curb feel today?
It's stronger than my elbow. But I found my lighter while I was down there.
Ohhhhhh, that night......I need to stop drinking, almost all of my conversations that take place Wed thru Sun after 8:30 are one blurry haze.
Randomize
