Dude ! Why is there vomit with whole pieces of sushi in the shower when the toilet is not more than 2 feet away ? btw you need to chew your food better,
I fell asleep next to my cousin and woke up with my hand in her pants because i though it was lisa
are you just going to ignore any texts involving my penis from now on? because thats going to shut down a pretty sizeable portion of our conversations.
I was officially considered the drunkest person in cuba when the bartender at the swim up bar made me wear a life jacket for 'safety purposes'
Just saw a cougar do the walk of shame. She asked housekeeping where the fastest elevator was.
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
There's nothing more awkward than going on a beer run with 3 ten year olds....teacher of the year right here!
He sent me nudes and I told him he reminded me of Buffalo Bill.
There they were doing the deed on the beach, looked like two seagulls fighting over a chicken bone.
Too much dab too little lung dying 😵😵😵
Come on, what straight woman, gay man, or bi person HASN'T scrolled through Justin Trudeau pictures after a bad day?
What made you think singing Silent Night while I was puking was a good idea?!?!
what the fuck happend anyway? How did it go from smoothies after work to blacking out?
At a bar in the city and the whole place starting singing “Happy Birthday” to someone. Everyone but me. The person next to me leaned over and said, “Why didn’t you sing along?!?” I responded, “I don’t know him. I don’t give a shit if he has a happy birthday.”
My shower turned into a bath, turned into me lying on the shower floor with the water running over me... That hung over..
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