i just told my mom tuesday boozeday rhymes so that she can remember not to text or call me on wednesday mornings
youre going to kill that woman one of these days
I'm making progress with her.. She actually looked at me today and gave me a dirty look. Things are going real good.
he had to fake a sneeze attack to hide the fact he came in 15 seconds?!
so its atleast an 8 for creativity.
Just walk through the Honors dorm on a Saturday night. You'll feel better about yourself.
they call him the transporter because he'll be your designated driver in exchange for sufficient weed or sex.\n
what about money
no - he has a code he lives by
She refuses to believe she pulled down her pants and spanked her ass in front of us
Is "when in doubt date the guy with the bigger dick" a good philosophy?
I found a picture of me as a little kid with nothing on except a towel covering one of my nipples and I'm glaring at the camera. Literally nothing has changed except I have boobs now
Don't be alarmed by all the Dick cakes in the fridge. But please don't eat..i accidentally broke one in half you guys can eat that one. Its labeled free Dick
lets do drugs on my lunch break tomorrow
I was told today that I'm the ugliest bartender in the area, so, I guess I have that going for me.
I love that we can live in a world where I can Google "Harry Potter lizard" and an illustration for my dream pops up
I was literally so lonely last night that I stopped watching a video on porn hub and just read the comments
Nah leave him alone, he is at the strip club with his mom.
Look at us. Planning our business meeting. Including snacks like shrooms & trail mix.
Randomize
