my boyfriend just named your boyfriend's penis.
dude, that chick is coming to see me and stay for 2 nights. I'm hitting the 3rd in the trifecta of friends.
You're one hell of a depraved bastard dude, I'm borderline speechless. You officially win.
They all have matching tattoos so they're all official bffs. I love my life.
when i got to my bed there was a handwritten note that said "wash the sheets." sleeping on the couch.
I just wnated to let you know that I laminated my history notes so i can study in the shower.
she wants me to meet her parents and she hasn't even met my penis yet.
Why do I feel like the only way for this trip to end is alcohol poisoning?
My dry heaving is complicating my ability to speak.
Also, your vagina needs a time out and let your brain have a chance to make decisions.
Dude. Remember the only two rules I set for that? Always have a sober friend and don't do drugs with a fat chick.
you really cant fit homeless dj into your budget? doubles as charity
Thanks for letting me in last night. I was drunkenly sleepwalking.
The worst that could happen is you end up with a black eye and I get laid.. I'm okay with my end of that bargain.
I was on my way last night when some asshole yelled "make better life choices" out the window of his car. I felt so self conscious I went home.
He expects to fuck my tits but will ignore me in public.
I'm at the drive thru window, five minutes out. If the bathtub is empty or you're dressed when I arrive I'm not sharing.
Randomize
