can't believe I ate straight coffee grounds to stay awake for that
Hey sis... Don't forget moms day is this sun. And don't get her another gift while you are freakin high this time. The vibrator was embarrassing.
FYI the vibrator was a SUCCESS. She was in a much better mood this last year. Maybe you should get high this time and get a great gift
btw good call for not making out for a pitcher of vodka, this hangover is bad enough
I vaguely remember you trying to make me a casserole with marshmallows and a can of beer.
Well for number 40 i would prefer to at least like the guy attached to the dick
I can't drink with the moms anymore. All they talk about is lactating.
HURRY. I NEED DRUNK. MORE DRUNK.
also new logic of mine : I fuck a Scottish kid , Scotland national animal is a Unicorn airgo I've come close to fucking a unicorns descendent, mother always said dreams come true
He kept sending me videos of his dogs while I was trying to masturbate. At what point does getting vagina-block apply?
Apparently duct taping your dick to your buttcheks before the first time she goes down on you isn't as funny as projected. She cried because she thought I was a girl the whole time.
How do you forget making out with a coworker in the dressing room at Sears on more than one occasion?
...object impermanence?
on the bright side i found your panties and the lid to the nutella
You know it's a bad cold when sneezing feels better than orgasming...
Oh my fucking god!! There is a barefoot white guy with a fucking ninja sword in the middle of the street next to the pride gas station swinging his sword at peoples cars!! He almost got me. 3 people swerved off the road and stopped. I told a cop.
These freshmen are fun! The redhead wants to practice her blowjob skills with me and let me rate different moves!
Randomize