dude.. you lit a cigarette on the bus and told the driver it was okay because you were fire marshall of your boy scout troop
If someone cleans their bathroom and shaves their crotch for you you kinda have to admit the relationship to facebook
Is it physically possible to shit out my own bone marrow? Because if not, then I need to see a doctor immediately.
For some reason I have a hard time believing getting drunk and recreating a movie about singing transvestites is ever very far from a situation you're in.
I got out of bed with her to go smoke a bowl with her roommate which was fine but I passed out when I went upstairs to take a piss.
Yeah.. she's probably not gonna call.
We were confused who drove until we went outside and her cupholders were torn out of the dash and laying on the ground
being pregnant is like rehab
This is my first time seeing you since your lesbian experience. SO EXCITED!
I feel like this has turned into my work. But if I get paid sitting under a desk, that's perfectly fine with me.
Finishing last nights 1.5L of wine and beef jerky for breakfast. Work looms, ever the prickly bitch.
And that's why we do second round interviews for possible roommates.
she's like a sexy human version of my cat. i can't catch her, and she keeps throwing up in the corners.
apparently I stole your wolf lighter. probably bc you made me howl while you puked over your deck railing.
I was picked up from his hotel room at 5 a.m. and came home with my panties and jäger in a McDonald's bag so the desk attendant wouldn't judge me. This is what single at 25 is about.
I remember eating bacon bits off your chest that night... I'll never look at bacon pizza the same way
Randomize
