In similar news, my cock is bigger than the plane that landed in the hudson.
Awesome. Ask her out.
Nope. She's got a detail of ed hardy security around her.
I accidentally screamed the wrong name last night. He stopped for a second, said "fuck it, you're too hot to care," and then continued fucking me.
I wish I could just thrust my cock straight into her new relationship.
I know what youre going to say and vodka only explains half of my sitation
I just canoed to the bar. I am a skilled drunk paddler.
It was like watching porn, except it was in real life, and it was starring two of your best friends.
I woke up with a piece of pizza duct taped too my hand and a paragraph written on my chest. Good night is say
Welcome to Missouri, the show me your genitals state.
So we hooked up and then instead of texting me, he endorsed me on LinkedIn for Microsoft Word a few days later
Facebook: “Hey you fucked on a diving board, you should probably should wish him a happy birthday”
After we had sex he gave me a thumbs up... fucking A&M Aggies, man
We just had a contest for who has less of a gag reflex...I am sad to admit that my mother won.
Apparent my drunk ass was so dedicated to taking a piss, when I walked across the dance floor to get to the bathroom a 9/10 broad tried to dance with me and I just pushed her aside, like hard enough to send her a few feet from where she was standing, pointed at her and said "Not now chief, gotta rock a mean one."
Is there a sexuality term for 'only wants hatefucks'?
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