two pink lines on a pregnancy test is bad, isn't it?
only if you didn't want to fuck up your life.
i had the deer in headlights look when she walked in and i was digging in her hamper
My mind says no, but my body says yes.
What does your body say about chlamydia?
I’m once again drinking at eight am on a Sunday in my tutu. This garment is literally my best purchase ever.
Turns out he's not gay. He just didn't know how else to say he's not into me. He just hit on my sister.
i looked at dads computer and apparently he was looking at job ads on craigslist and the only one clicked that turned purple said "GET PAID TO MASTURBATE"
He was so drunk that he tried to backflip off a baby chair.. How do you think that ended?
just had to take a 4 hour nap to write a one page paper. its obviously the week after winter break.
yesterday, he said he didn't trust me around his daughter because "if she was wrapped in rolling paper u'd smoke her." yup.
Pretty sure I was rubbing Halloween candy all over my face and saying "these are my bitches."
I tried to steal a Mike's Hard sign last night but it didn't work out
why what happened?
Well it was going fine.. until the bouncer noticed the three foot steel lemon sticking out of my jacket.
Not even official and he's cleaned my puke twice. His hotdog skills are an added bonus. I've got a keeper
Your final is gonna be as easy for you as getting into straight girls' pants is for me.
Nah I think he's a bit weirded out I worked out where he lives from a Facebook photo
So I had this brilliant idea that I would sleep in all sorts of sweatpants and sweatshirts... Apparently I thought I could "sweat" off the drunk in my sleep and that it would make me feel better when I woke up
Randomize
