I just realized that this morning is the first morning i've put on underwear in a week.
I love summer.
it hurts more in the daytime
i wanna stay in my bed and fart for a few more hours
Thanks for having 911 ready when I jumped off the balcony
hey tell your friend im sorry for licking his mouth, that was probably inappropriate
Good call on the strip club last night. Everytime i smell some flowery candle or air freshener I get transported back to having my face firmly planted in Riah and Desire's tits.
You're welcome.
Complete silence. Background Willy Wonka music. An empty back of Lay's BBQ chips. These are the ingredients for an extreme acid trip.
I can already see the regret in her eyes. Amazing night. This city rules.
What can i say, i'm an artist. I think deep thoughts. In between the homoerotica and pterodactyl noises
I spent a lot of time in their kitchen cause I was convinced that the living room was gonna fall... Sorry for not warning you about that.
if i bang your brother are we still cool?
All I know is I drank too much, danced too little.. yet somehow woke up on the floor in the arms of some cowboy.
HE'S LIKE A GREEK GOD BUT HE'S FROM BOSTON. HE'S A BOSTON GOD
pray to him
I WANNA PRAY ON HIS DICK
Stay calm. It's a titty bar. A ring of cocaine will protect you.
So how do you explain to your boss that Siri called him mid sex?
Randomize
