turns out the website for Dick's Sporting goods is not "dicks.com". It was a win either way.
There's a Cowboys game and a Rangers game on at the same time...talk about Sophie's choice
MTV running anti-sexting commercials is a slap in the face to everything our generation has accomplished.
he asked me if i "normally slept like that" because i was curled up in a ball facing the wall. then he told me that i woke up in the middle of the night and said "oh my god. i forgot you were here." how did he not understand that i didn't want him in my bed.
Which is scary since we both think with our vaginas
I'm at breakfast at my kid's school and I have noted at least 3 other parents with last night's red wine mouth and bleary eyes. I don't know why I always get so paranoid.
Did you eat 9 cans of raviolii last night?
Come on man nobody wants to admit that
I remember three things: you falling down an entire flight of stairs, me stripping out of your Christmas one-sie to do cartwheels in my underwear, and people standing above me saying, "where did that bump on her head come from?"
Also, I was told I kept the antlers on the entire time. I'm deeming last night a success.
Its only 9:11 and I just somersaulted through a window. Its gonna be a good night
Yeah I'm at work. Nothing like the threat of blowing chunks on passing cars to make you feel alive.
The cat just walked up and made eye contact with me while I had sex. I'm going to have to burn the house down with him in it.
I felt kinda awkward walking into his house in nothing but lingerie and my dead grandmas overcoat
The problem is that you are trying to hold on to some dignity. Let it go. I hope your rash gets better.
So I just saw someone get shoved into a car trunk by your car.
The amount of illegal things I've done this weekend is astounding.
Randomize
