He proposed that we "bone". I've completely given up on boys.
Just calculated that for my last final tomorrow I need 120% to improve my grade and 53% to keep it..buying 30 packs now, go get dressed
True as that may be, are you coming to the birth of my imaginary child or not?
Btw, whenever you feel discouraged about your life, think about me being frantically upset bc my mobile porn site limited me to only 5 videos a day
not saying it was a bad idea to throw an impromptu party but someone stole the microwave
There's puke on my pillow. I'm still wearing my wedges. And I have a cab drivers number clutched in my fist.
He wouldn't let me leave his house until he made me orgasm once for every year I've been alive. The birthday sex song did not prepare me for this.
I couldn't finish the episode and had to lay down because the snapple commercial with the mustache was blowing my mind
okay. well, yeah. i'm a mess and a half. this shit is not what dumbledore died for.
Rule #61 of being a lady: never get fingered by a finger with a knuckle tattoo
I'm standing on the corner in a banana costume and cape with frozen bananas in my utility belt reassessing my life decisions.
THIS IS THE 11TH FUCKING COFFEE TABLE THAT YOU AND RICHARD CRASHED THROUGH.
I'm surprised me and Richard survived 11 of your coffee tables.
YOU TWO ARE BUYING ME A NEW ONE I AM PISSED.
Mike's my new hero. There's a flagpole of hook-up's bras on his porch and a week's supply of beer in his fridge but he still has a great job.
I have a whole new respect for her. She chugged half a bottle of jack daniels, and then peed all over his wall. Serves him right.
He sounds like Chris Tucker and wants to eat me out when I’m on my period. If that isn’t love I don’t know what is.
Randomize
