Dude i fell asleep inside of her
thats awesome
: I need to find myself a plastic surgeon husband so i can get boobs.
but u need boobs to get one in the first place.
cant believe you said you would bone perez hilton
i said paris hilton
thats even worse
I introduced him to the male G-Spot. Don't ever tell me I'm not experienced.
If I refrain from fucking my manager, I'm going to reward myself by fucking that guy from the photo department.
...that's why he's not doing anything with his life except breeding geckos
So if a 2 is a 10 on the road... do we consider college to be "on the road?" help. its urgent.
Yeah. Rock bottom was him passing out and saying "are you putting a condom on me?" and me covering his mouth and saying shhhhh
He made me keep his swollen nut cold with frozen bags of peas while rubbing his tummy because he said I had no choice.
For sure. I'm slow cooking a 6 pound pork shoulder wrapped in bacon. If that doesn't scream "guys I'm going into culinary arts lets get drunk" I'm not sure what does.
she and her cat are both sick as fuck so they just sat there looking at each other with her nose dripping on the cat's. both out of fucks
I'm sitting naked on my bathroom floor and it remind me of us.
That's my way of saying I miss you
Why was I so drunk last night that I licked the bar and then the bartenders face? Why didn't you stop me? We can never go back there.
I know! It's like he knows when my vagina wants to misbehave!
Alcohol and I aren't friends right now.
Randomize
