Is it sad I memorized the exact change required for a #7 at Wendy's?
I wish there was a morning after pill that made you instantly sober
Things to remember: Girls don't appreciate it when you yell "Beast Mode!" when switching to doggy style.
she quoted hannah montana in her facebook status. i will never be speaking to her in person again.
Hey since its national brother week is that eiffel tower option with your girlfriend still on the table?
he was very distressed by my statements that there could have been balls on shoulders without awareness
I drink to make the karaoke go away.
I'll just save you what dignity you have left by letting what happened die with your lack of memory and/or liver.
I immediately knew he was tripping, he came over with a grocery bag of snow balls and a bike helmet on and asked if I was prepared to die for my country.
Seriously? You DON'T remember putting all those Swedish fish in the waffle iron b/c you wanted "One big Swedish fish?" That waffle iron was a wedding gift.
I'm cleaning my apartment while naked. Anyone who says that's not why they want to live on their own is lying.
She was way too drunk so I dropped her off at her house and smoked a huge blunt with her mom.
my liver is dry heaving
So my family just woke up on Easter morning and shared a bowl. That's bonding😊
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
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