Yah man, that place is surreal
Man, I'm from Tennessee. What the fuck is surreal?
giving a blow job on a jetski isn't as easy as it sounds.
things that need to be invented #43: vodka that also acts as birth control.
this morning i realized i came home with more condoms then i left. burn.
Who would have sex with her? She looks like she shops at baby gap
Can you get arrested or in trouble for punching a dead relative in a casket?
Julian told me all the fish in his pond died and he didn't know when or how. I didn't have the heart to tell him he drunkenly peed in the pond on Saturday as everyone cheered him on.
I get a nice feeling when i open my fridge and see it filled with thirty beers and half a leftover jimmy johns pickle.
She said I wasn't helping her abandonment issues by not responding to her texts at 4 am
Your 'drink of the future' makes sense now- you feel it for atleast 10 hours into the future
He won't sleep with me again until I commit...
Run. There is other dick in the sea, less clingy dick.
Fuck I am so excited for the first time I can make someone call me Doctor Nikki during sex after I finish my PhD
I am never taking a razor down there again. He'll have to love me as I am.
I puked so hard this morning that I peed my pants. I'm a gem.
I have like three friends I don't have sex with, what did you expect
Randomize
