Awkward is getting caught beating off in the company bathroom...
Last night he was fingering me with one hand to his ear, calling himself 'dj clittles'
Thats what happens when go home with guys that wear shutter shades to the bar..
im poppin the ladies like they're bacne
I cant help but queef when the male extremity enters
What is a male extremity?
i didnt realize it was that long since you've had sex
Too much gin, very little bucket
I don't think anyone has ever said "boy I'm glad I took those shots of everclear" when they wake up
Midnight run for medical supplies ended several hours later with a lapdance to the Braveheart soundtrack.
I figured out why her friends always say g is for god when she leaves with someone. She wears a double g cup bra
Thought it only fitting this Jubilee weekend to snort lines with a 50 note
Your patriotism amazes me, the Queen would be proud!
He made me brush his hair afterwards because it made him feel like a ken Barbie.
God I hope the sex was good.
I chose not to drink last night but drinking chose me
Nothing better then waking up to multiple snap stories of people doing body shots of tequlia off of you
YOU TOOK A FUCKING SNAP OF ME TRYING TO PEE! I'M GOING TO FUCK YOU WITH THE BUSINESS END OF A RUTED RAKE!
I slept on her porch...in her dads handcuffs
Someone had to wrestle her in the chocolate pool, I'm glad I was man enough to step up and do it
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