the hot woman interviewing me is reading jokes off the back of laffy taffy.... I'm getting laid and possibly a job
drunk doesn't even begin to explain it. dude called him and said to bring you back because he'd already called dibs.
so high i just made my own version of grilled cheese using toast and spray cheese
here comes the puke
I just sent her mug shot out in a mass text because I hate her and her cocaine eyes are hilarious.
She kicked in my bedroom door in only high-heals with a bottle of wine, announcing it was "cock-o-clock"
We're having chugging races with long island ice tea, I won. To often
Guess who woke up with a hangover this morning? The same person whose parents found out and woke her up by banging pots and pans with wooden spoons.
Talking to friends parents while buying all the things needed for Jell-O shots. classic
I just smoked a bowl with the lady who runs the special olympics. Your move.
This girl I interned with got engaged today and I'm just like over here taking plan B with my tacos and PBR.
I'm eating taquitos in the bathtub at 5:30 am. What a great end to the night
We just stood outside and debated the existence of mermaids for about 20 min. Is this what too drunk is?
She got engaged last night. I don't think you should ask her out man.
...I just melted into my bed. I am one with the bed. I am 600 thread count.
We hotboxed his bathroom. going to be a good night
Hotbox went wrong - smoke sets off fire alarm. Firefighters coming
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