the couple across the street's about to bang. go get the popcorn and come join us.
Apparently oprah and I were in competition to see who's ass could get bigger this summer
They are providing beer and having a margarita machine. This cannot be passed up.
The bartender gave me a roll of masking tape so I could tape my heels to my feet so I wouldn't lose them when i went drunk running later that night
You slow clapped the stripper last night.
Did you Fuck minivan and her friend last night?
We haven't even scratched the surface on the damage we could do. Just saying
I just traded ecstasy for trapeze lessons...you in?
I mean, with your nipple problem im surprised. #hangacoatonem
Last night someone asked you what your favorite color was and you said "bagel."
He woke me up because I was snoring and went for a second round. First time I'm happy that I snore
i like that he makes me laugh. those are like my two favorite things. laughing and fucking.
just ran into my father at CVS while buying condoms...he winked at me. I really need to move out of this town.
I'm a delicate orchid of a man.
Blossoming into a fierce dragon.
send nudes
from the living room?
Randomize
