She was drinking straight whiskey out of her peacock shaped vase again.
I am currently sitting on a candy bar to warm it up cause it was in the fridge so I can eat it while watching the last song and smoking weed by myself
My family just legit passed around a fifth of Maker's Mark. Also, this is sort of a Thanksgiving tradition. Also, Maker's Mark is really good.
Look if you're not going to be mine and take care of my needs, I'm going to fuck your sisters.
Woke up covered in green glitter and beer. I am never leaving Ireland.
Okay I shall begin. Thank you Swedish chef
Hurrfy smmurdshy burrfst!
That is the exact response I was looking for.
Apparently I was proudly showing him the cup I barfed pizza rolls into
Suspicion confirmed. my mom has her nipples pierced
Way to crack the case Nancy Drew
I know you're very busy with sleep and things, but when you wake up we need to talk about weirdly shaped penises.
All I need is a morbidly obese man masturbating at the other end of the car and I'll complete the CTA Horror Trifecta.
long story short, the bouquet was used as a sacrificial torch
He motorboated me, gave me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
We were fucking in the bedroom then we heard Sports center on in the living room. He stopped midfuck when I started celebrating that my team won over his
i got my period today. mid walk of shame and im wearing a shirt that says stay classy. my life is a joke.
I'm laying backwards. On the stairs. Eating carrots. And drinking from a captain Morgan bottle.
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