So I just opened the bag you gave me and those panties aren't mine...
oh
I'm going to use my one free fuck up card tonight.
What'd you do?
Its more like what im about to do.
And then you told your sister how horrible of a friend I was because I couldn't get you cheese fries...
Just threw up in airport security. Happy holidays.
His sister just told me that she thinks i'm a stupid bitch and that by going thru with this I'm ruining his life.
sounds like a hell of a rehearsal dinner
I was talking to some girls while you were falling off your bar stool into the person next to you.
do not give him the "i just had sex cake" i repeat DO NOT give him the cake. things didn't go well
I should have to wear a sign around the rest of the day so everyone knows the shame I feel.
thanks for waiting 12 hours to ask if I was in a ditch or not
I can hear my parents having sex. I REPEAT. I CAN HEAR MY PARENTS HAVING SEX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!
Your mom is 55 and has MS. To be honest, I'm proud of her, and you should be too, bitch.
It was his first time doing shrooms and we made him ride in the truck bed. But he kept standing up and yelling when we stopped so we had to keep driving
So if a girl goes for it you're gonna stop her and tell her you gave up ejaculation for lent?
But I got head on a boat yesterday which was sweet until a bald eagle flew over. Then it became life affirming.
Well my normal tinder strategy of "Will I have sex with her when I'm sober" has been paying off
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
Randomize
