oh and i really hope miley falls off this mountain she is climbing
Today I made a list of everyone I have had sex with...there is more than double my age...
I woke up this morning with 2 australian chicks passed out in my living room, a whole bunch of coke on my kitchen counter and I have no idea how the fuck either thing got there
i think the bruises are from the grocery store. on separate occasions. i've been spending a lot of time drunk at the market lately.
i have a vague recollection of being in the parking deck around 4 this morning, and on monday morning i was naked on the roof.
that would mean it's on tape
I don't think I can handle being a slut. There is a lot more emotional stress that I never realized.
I'm thinking we can stop tracking my sex life by the hotels I've hooked up in and instead use bar bathrooms I've gotten head in.
I swear there's a gravitational pull from your vagina to large groups of men in uniform.
He looks like he'd be great Lego character.
It was one of those "wake up holding a random metal flower" kind of nights.
Ps this homeless dude just came in hotel bar w a sword sticking out his jumpsuit trying to buy a drink w a 3rd party check
I like that you're Jewish, because you can rail me on Christmas Eve and it won't be weird.
Is biking from my house to 6th street for liquor pitchers a good idea or a bad idea
I'll be the Broncos and you be the Seahawks and you can pound the shit out of me.
he showed me his third nipple on the first date. I might have low to no standards, but my god.
This was the fourth year in a row I got arrested at Pride. Pretty sure that qualifies me as a legend.
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