There's a technique?! I just slide my tongue around
Let's just be mature adults about last night and never speak of it again.
i sneezed during and he said it felt like i gave birth to his dick...then asked me to do it again.
i hate this class. from the way they're all staring you would think they've never seen a girl in basketball shorts, heels and sunglasses.
dinner is belligerent. she just poured the rest of the pitcher of margaritas into a take home box. people are staring.
I just realized I turned down a booty call too. To make cheesecake. God help us all
i feel like my tongue has its own mouth, and that mouth just bit its tongue and is clenching its teeth.
OPIZZABONMYDICK
We're all just looking at each other quietly, hoping that no one brings up last nights shenanigans.
I was hammered helping a pregnant woman at the gas station name her unborn child. We had to try everything with two different last names because she was waiting on the results of her paternity test.
I came in shy and timid. By the end of the night I hulked out broke two lamps, their coffee table, some plates, and still had sex.
I had to switch to male Siri because I could feel female Siri voice judging me for reading my sexts out loud. Also, the dude voice keeps me in the mood.
How many of my Tinder dates can my Christian roommate accidentally meet in the hallway at 3am before she's horrified and moves out?
I just took a shot before my midterm. Gotta keep things in perspective.
You started singing Baby Shark, screamed you have no idea how it goes, then somehow turned the beat into Bohemian Rhapsody
Randomize
