I will be horny for about another two hours. Feel free to call me until then.
i hope the fucking fire crotch burns his mouth
I have to have sex with him again. I feel like I need to train him so no other girl experiences that bad of sex.
Well, let me tell you, it was the most vivid sex dream I've ever had. More so than the Paris Hilton one I had in 05. And about as weird.
There is a slip-n-slide in the hallway and a girl just did it topless cuz I told her it was my birthday. Where are you?
Just had the weirdest flashback. Did we buy melon, take it into the restaurant and try to make them give it to us as dessert?
There's a girl in the bathroom crying about something having to do with cream cheese.
In other news I have discovered that grindr is the easiest way to get free meals
Dude I'm riding a fucking tortoise this is awesome you should come with me more often
My whole family just stopped to look at me and aknowledge how fucked up I am.
The walk home lasted longer than the sex. He lives in the flat above the bar.
Dude, I just hit your nipple with a bottle of lube while you were wearing a shirt, 10 feet away without my glasses and I only have "not bad" aim?
My adderall dealer raised his prices due to "impending inflation" ... never buying from a college grad again
Well Jon got a DUI sleeping in the back seat so I thought the trunk was safer. BUT WHO CARES WHY JUSE PLEASE COME LET ME OUT!
I told you that we shouldn't have sex. You said "its okay I already saw you pee" apparently that was convincing
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