So he sent me a text that said "say hi to your vajayjay for me"
Was there any message he wanted you to relay to your asshole?
Let's make jello shots for tomorrow
What's going on tomorrow?
Nothing, it's Wednesday
Found my puke from September encrusted to the floor under the dresser while cleaning before move out ..... Oh Freshman year
We agreed to not shave eyebrows when someone is passed out. douchebag.
I got spanked with a cardboard tube. Apparently he used to be a percussionist. Who favored marching band tunes. It was weird.
I sat on his lap and we shared a beer. I feel like that's an invitation to his dick.
Thinking about fake proposing to my gf just so the middle aged women next to us will buy us drinks
When She took off her bra.... A tube of lipgloss, her phone, I.D. And a wad of twenties fell out.... I'm officially no longer a butt man
We are going to need a water proof camera with a flash....exit routes....lots of booze.....and a tutu for good measure
Guys, Black Friday does not exist in the world of dealing. Stop texting me asking what my deals are.
Good thing I left work early to shave my balls because traffic sucked ass, which I was written up for and my reason on the write was "to close on time, have to shave balls for date tonight". Oh yea, that was a bold statement right there
He showed me a picture of his baby hamsters and I called them "Mammal McNuggets"
first time i ever mailed panties back to a fuck buddy. what better of a way to say its over
I'm using emojis for drug deals now. It's time to kill me.
There's something empowering about being at dinner and sitting across the table from two men you've blown.
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