So for his birthday I'm planning on doing what stripper did when she put the matches on her nipples..lights them n makes him blow them out..SEE I AM dating material.
ice luge is my downfall...
...u mean upfall.
I know i'm drunk when the "men" sign on the bathroom sounds chinese
He toold me that when we were younger I was his boner buddy.
she said she didn't want to sleep with me again because I wasnt a generous lover. I ignored her slight moustache, didnt i? i think thats pretty damn generous
i found you on the dancefloor with your cell phone to your ear saying that you didn't like the music they played at the club so you were going to listen to your own
come on down! you are the next contestant on the night is drunk!
we found you in the kitchen at five am trying to make a vodka omelette. you said you didn't want to live in a world where your two favourite things couldn't be together.
Watching her eat just hurts me
I think I'm drunk at the airport. Oh the possibilities
Also Fuck you Stephen King and Fuck the horse you rode in on, making me cry In front of my coworkers.
And by "have lunch together" you mean me giving you a blow job in the back of your Tahoe, right?
i looked that guy up on facebook. the one who went down on me for two hours
what's the verdict
i've been scrubbing my vag all morning
holy f. i broke my toe giving him head. how does that even happen!?
My life is in shambles. Just made a grilled cheese in the microwave on a hot dog bun
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