I just saw how many times I called you last night. You're welcome.
I love college. Only here at ten in the morning can you hear "Man, hot sauce on my pussy was my worst idea in a long time." while walking down the hall.
I think I sprained my soul last night
I'm about to airblow my boyfriend. I'll three-way you.
We just broke into a lion king sing along. Understanding is not possible.
Relaxed was like phase 1 of this phase 7 high
no, I didn't go in the end. Too hungover and hot, plus Star Wars is on so obviously I'm having a naked day.
I think the best part was the fact that the stripper's lock screen was a picture of the virgin mary
So after taking my shirt off, he pulls my bra off like a hockey jersey. FUCKIN PRO. Guy knew what he wanted.
Before you started puking your brains out, you took a moment to give me the correct order of the Harry potter series
Phil and I agree that the level of sand in your vagina rivals that of many of the earth's largest deserts
This band has the most fuckable violin player I have ever seen.
I just watched some kid bang his girlfriend and I was like whatever I'll just sit here and do all your fucking drugs that's fine
I'm crying watching Rihanna at the VMAs. Periods are a bitch
my birth father cheated on his wife with my birth mother. it's literally in my blood to be a home wrecker.
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