I puked while I was brushing my teeth this morning and had to get a new tbrush
Ew, did you brush them again?
Yeah but i puked on the new one and decided to give up...failure
Just did a shot to pluto being a planet again. I love science.
some guy had a sword and everyones crying..it turned bad..fast.
This girl just swallowed a pealed banana whole. I'm not worthy.
Brandon just showed up at my place with a florida state cheerleader he met in vegas durin spring break. His life is a fucking movie
Remind me never to smoke before babysitting again. Ate an entire bottle of children's gummy vitamins.... not an easy thing to explain to parents.
I call him Seabiscuit because he's my trusty steed
in the midst of studying i picked up my capsule full of untouched weed, popped it open, and whispered "soon" into it. midterms man
So I've been spending my morning trying to figure out if there's a corealation between Wednesday margarita night and the boat that's now in my living room.
You don't know how small your school is until you know everyone in the ER on a Friday night.
I knew deleting his texts was a bad idea and I was right. I just used the last time we talked to help me figure out when I had my last period
Don't worry. I have logic.... just not morals.
ALL I WANT IN MY MOUTH IS A GLORIOUS COCK SMOTHERED IN CHOCOLATE. DICK AND CHOCOLATE; IS IT TOO MUCH FOR A GIRL TO ASK FOR?!
I was singing Colors of the Wind and swigging vodka and still felt like more of an adult.
I smell like beef jerky
That's among the sexiest things you've ever said to me.
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