I wish I could get plan B off e-bay so it would be a secret and cheap.
So in our children's lit class, some jackass little boy had gone thru the where's waldo book and circled waldo. I realize you would have been that kid.
He kept saying it was because he was allergic to the chicken. Then he threw up on my mom.
How many bratwuest were you able to fit in your mouth at one time? It's me, Hans.
Actually, you don't want to see me.. reached an all time low drinking kahlua out of the bottle concealed in a macdonalds bag
I just yelled at my mom for getting me circumcised without my permission. That drunk
I think making out with someone could be the cure to all my problems. That or more cowbell.
Oh my god. I just realized something amazing. If I get pregnant with a boy, that technically means I have a penis right??????
They turned motor-boating me into some kind of sick game
Dude just pulled his dick out and started stroking it and making s sound like cocking a shotgun....wtf was in those e pills
I miss living with her. She was the only person who was a bigger train wreck than I am.
You are a booty call, not a friend.
I just wanna say I did some math and I lasted 1,052,000 more minutes than you at the bar before I got kicked out. That's 729 days. Bitch
You know Sunday Funday was a success when 'puke and rally' came at lunchtime on Monday.
Shriek
I baked a frozen pizza completely, put it back in the plastic and box, and put it back in the freezer. THAT drunk.
Randomize
