I'm pretty sure she sent a group text out saying that I was the one to get with her last night and sorry to everyone who didnt make it.
Honestly it was an honor just to be nominated.
Just saw a picture of your new tub, cant wait to pee in it
im not sure if this headache is from the car accident or cocaine withdrawl
I woke up to ritz crackers on the lawn, a keystone behind the hedge and puke on the rental car... i think that we have become that house...
now that we've slept with the entire soccer team i think its time to expand the horizon.
It was a deal breaker when she told me not to wear a condom and god would decide if we were meant to be together.
Oh my god I peed in a park last night and then tried to set off fireworks with a group of middle-aged men
Making a me burrito to ward off the cold...and the aloneness of my vagina
We fucked on shrooms. It's like his dick was a beam of light and when I came I turned into a prism and my orgasms were made of rainbows.
Fuck yeah GAYNESS
*explodes into glitter*
We were wearing togas. So having sex was really easy to do without taking any clothes off.
In Punta Cana for my bachelor trip, hopefully tomorrow my passport is blacklisted
The guy I made out with the other night fed me chipotle favored funions and I thought it was true love when I was drunk.
so hungover. idk whos house or comp im on
Why do I feel so obligated to masterbate just because I’m single and it’s valentines Day...
Randomize