so i used to love airports for the escalators... now its the bars... then the escalators after the bars
She checked into foursquare right as she left work so he would think she was there late and not on some other guy's dick
I have to say for barely passing high school, that girl is a genius.
In case you were wondering...putting everclear into a humidifier DOES get you really really drunk.
What's a quick way to get over an ex-boyfriend? To hear about how he threw up in a cup and then drank it. That's how.
you're expensive. Idk about all this. What happened to free make outs?
Sobriety and mild self-respect
The spark has left our relationship. i used to make slightly inflammatory jokes at you. you would retaliate in jest. look at this. look at what is happening here.
Just made a drunk dude do 20 push-ups. In the parking lot of the bar tonight for a keystone light I found in the back of my truck.
Oh yum
On the way out the door to work grabbed the wine glass on the floor left for the ghost of Elijah and chugged it. PASSOVER.
I told my grandmother all I want is a nice guy who likes to be tied up.
Please tell me I was just dreaming when I asked if I could borrow your jesus dildo
so much tequila, so little girl.
I feel awful. The bartender added me on Facebook and there's chips all over the bathroom floor
I told him I was going outside to throw up and I ended up passing out in the front yard in my underwear for 45 minutes. When I walked back inside he said "where have u been?". My husband ladies and gentlemen
But actually he solved 40% of my life problems just in one dicking
My pizza delivery guy was so hot I was like omg please let this be the beginning of a porno
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