I bet he comes in French.
in the event that i am dead, my body is laying in the intersection of ... the pearl in springfield. it was my friend's 21st but i think i'm dead. wearing a black top. like i said, probably dead.
all we need is a web designer
and a bunch of prostitutes
If I sit on the seam of my jeans just the right way when the bass hits, this might be my new favorite band.
If you made a robot out of pillows would he be nice? It's hard to imagine a mean pillow robot. And who came up with the idea of shaving their legs?
Better skin, bigger boobs.. Birth control is INCREASING my chance of getting pregnant because people actually want to have sex with me now.
just because she blew him doesn't mean she knows his name.
Some girl in the stall next to me just yelled "fuck yes i started my period!" she came out of the stall and we high fived. who am i to judge? i do that every month.
How do I tell my mom that she just went to the gym with my water bottle filled with vodka...
I tried to cut him off and he said "I was the president of a fraternity for 3 years, I could outdrink God."
It's because you were crossfaded. And because drinks were 3 dollars. And because they accepted credit cards.
I forgot how wholesome of a place a park is when youre not drinking there.
Can't you just imagine you've grudge fucked me so we can get past this?
"I'm a professor to university students" I say as I realize I have a nipple piercing that I have no memory of getting
My room looks so cute. Who wouldn't want to hook up with me in here?
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