You kept hiding marshmallows in the freezer saying "they would never think to look here"
she bonged a coffee cause she was hungover. then she bonged a beer cause she got ambitious. then she barfed. then she had to start over again.
Change of plans I'm coming home and shotgunning all the beer we have.
I wanna get freshman fucked up and do shady things on the last Friday of my youth.
"I wasn't planning on buying a chicken, but I bought it anyway." --some guy on the bus with a chicken
"Yeah, I only have nine toes." --that same guy
Bon Iver should never be played when you just ate shrooms.
he wears New Balance sneakers on a regular basis, did you really expect the sex to be more than decent?
I woke up and they were watching power rangers in japanese so I just found my bra and left
...and that is the first time I've ever wished fewer naked women on someone I like.
Last night you referred to my vagina as a gym for your penis
McDonald's and a car nap. I feel kinda human
I woke up beside him and almost cried. Then I realized you were on the other side so I knew I hadn't made any bad decisions.
How was your weekend?
My girlfriend decided the best way to get my mind off of my dog dying was to break up with me via text
He was gone when I woke up. But he left skid marks on my sheets and our unopened bottle of Titos is missing
New Rule: No more sleepovers with guys we met on Reddit
Just woke up to the cat unconscious on my stomach, his face between my tits, purring to bring down the walls. I'm endeared and horrified at the same time.
Randomize
