I swear to god Kristen, if this "cute" guy you are trying to hook up with's friend asks me if we can role play, and I play his mother one more time, Im leaving. You have 3 minutes to save me or I am out.
you walked into the kitchen holding the skyy bottle and asked us "how do i warm this?"
She called herself a train and then took off all her clothing. I forget everything after that.
I saw you two flinging Jello at the sidewalk if that helps jog your memory.
You threw up on yourself, then proceeded to tell us "to not make a mess in your car"
we are both sitting on my bed desperately refreshing the order tracking page for dominos.
6 margaritas later and free shots of tequila, i woke up with a fat lip and they said i blew my nose in a slice of bread
She wants to practice her harmonica skills on my penis
Only thing I got out of his drunken Spanish is something that sounded like "pencil sharpener." Damn rosetta stone.
there is literally a full grown man stuck between the radiator and her bed. i thought i kicked him out 20 minutes ago but nope we found him
Currently studying Econ, while waiting outside current booty call's residence for him to return from the strip club. This is your fault.
Just go to your happy place. Mine is with Jake Gyllenhaal & schnapps
I just found a piece of squished oatmeal cream pie in my armpit. So very sad.
My lighter is stuck in my beard.
so dehydrated I couldn't fill the pee cup to the right line for my drug test for school. I was like sorry it was my birthday yesterday
I would definitely ride that dick into the sunset if nuggets are involved
Randomize