my advisor is telling us the best way to sneak in alcohol on move in day. I definately picked the right college
I AM OVULATING LIKE A STEAM ENGINE.
Ok the fact that you know THAT phrase perfectly is terrifying. You just proved you can slut it up in mulitiple languages.
The secrurity code on my debit card is 420, can not lose this card.
And then you'll find yourself a hot chick and leave me behind with nothing but my back fat to keep me company.
I used that money i stole from the stripper last night to pay for my date tonight.
There's nothing like telling your girl to hold your pants while peeing on your neighbors door
I think I'll handle my grief by throwing myself headlong into lesbianism. Seems like a fitting tribute to you.
This reminds me of the time I was given a lap dance by a David Bowie drag king...
I passed out and slept in my car. Now I feel like a hungover zoo animal. Look and laugh people, look and laugh.
That dude with the beard walked up to me, turned my water into wine with everclear and kool-aid, and walked away. Pretty sure drunk Jesus is back.
It's pretty self explanatory. You tried to have sex on the hood of a car in front of everyone
ANNA YOU PEED ON THE STREET. LIKE NOT EVEN SUBTLY. YA JUST SQUATTED IN THE MIDDLE OF THE HIGHWAY. And you flashed your tits to oncoming vehicles to try to get them to pick us up
I thought you were dead but then you asked me if your tits looked good. They did.
I wish I could be the kind of drunk Bobbi is... She stumbles around outside at 4am with a broken high heel and babbling about rainbows and getting dick...
Randomize
