we need to get ahold of those "sexting" teens on tyra. HAWT!
wasnt one 13?
i just got cockblocked by a guy drinking wine straight out of the bottle with a straw...
His mom walked into the kitchen smiling, made a scotch on the rocks, hit my bong, and told us goodnight enthusiastically. He's suddenly more appealing to me.
He drew a face on his balls with a sharpie. It was like giving head to a unicorn.
He just fingered me to the Lion King soundtrack. And when he left he turned dramatically and said "I'll be back after work. Be prepared." Taint ALL the childhood memories.
FRIENDSHIP PRAYER: May the crabs of 1,000 whores infest the crotch of the person who fucks up your day
You would be my first round pick for a drinking team
If you haven't gone to the store yet. Can you PLEASE get me some clippers my balls will thank you later
Also this guy fingered me at the bar and then gave me his card
So I just sent my ex a video snap chat of me getting head from some Venezuelan hottie with the caption I still love you. Think she'll take me back?
I would rather you cheat on me then you watch this season of Breaking Bad without me.
The porch is breathing.
STAY OUT OF MY SHROOMS YOU CUNT
I don't remember his name. I had whataburger on my mind and in my hands so I wasnt really listening
Got out of the uber to projectile vomit in the McDonald's drive thru. Gonna take a break from the Cuervo for a while.
Got upgraded to First Class and now I’ve got the whole Pacific Ocean to seduce the very hot gentleman sitting next to me!!! Door closing, wish me luck!
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