I would have at least made out with you if you were showered.
She's just bitter because she lost all the weight only to discover she doesn't have a pretty face after all.
Just spent a extra 20 minutes on the phone with the lady from unemployment talking about how to make the best brownies.
He picked me up went to throw me on his bed. I landed on the wood frame. That's how I broke my rib. We still fucked. Thanks tequila. Best injury ever
I wanna get freshman fucked up and do shady things on the last Friday of my youth.
And have you ever tried to explain a hickey to your own grandmother?
My boss just told me not to come back to work if I decide to drink. Challenge accepted.
Well we're either getting a bunny or I'm getting you pregnant in about 12 days.
Dude, did you know, your blood is contaminated with over 17 non-beer fluids?
Getting "I couldn't find the front door so I climbed in through window" drunk seems to be a habit of yours
I think my pussy is going to freeze to the ground
I'm hosting my annual valentine's day party tomorrow with every hookup I've ever had. thoughts on how it will turn out ??
I sit across from him at graduation so I get to stare at him and think about how I fucked his step brother and laugh to myself
You threw away your W2 to make more room in your purse for liquor.
Listen, you can either give me drugs or an orgasm. You decide.
Randomize
