this is amy. the small petlike person from the womens bathroom at the reef.
My T9 text prediction thing keeps predicting every next word is going to be "midgets".
My new apartment is within walking distance of both the liquor store and the chinese buffet. This is either going to be my worst life choice ever or my best.
I haven't been "cry when you eat ben and jerrys" high in a while.
woke up on the kitchen floor in the recovery position. at least drunk me remembered sober me's emt training
Its only.eleven and we are already chasing a man on a bike with a bag full of burger king
Your wedding's just one more day in my life I can't wear sweat pants.
Haha you were definitely messed up. Let me know if you need anything
Could really use a time machine and a higher self esteem, in that order
I just found my lube on the ground next to my bed. I would pay money to find out what the fuck happened that night.
Woke up this morning with Nerf Bullets stuck to everything in my house and nut in my belly button. What exactly happened last night?
...I think I just watched a boy make a sandwich seductively. What.
You will bone me until my eyeballs fall out. This is not a request.
I had to switch coats with someone at work because you can see the giant sex choke bruise on my neck. Being kinky is hard.
He's ruined me. Do you know how frustrating it is to know I'll never find another guy as tall and handsome and rich with as big of lips & booty, and cock as him who also rims and takes me on tropical vacations and buys me all the cocaine.
Such a shame we didn't work out. We would've been a power couple producing NFL linemen :/
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