you fell asleep during kickboxing this morning
how does that even happen??
Also how the fuck did i get like 30 brown napkins
He kept saying the best defense against a lion is to punch it in the throat.
She was sitting there stuffing her face rubbing my back with a dorito cheese filled hand while eating something else with the other hand as I was crying.
The waitress just told me I'm asking alot. So far I've asked for a soul, an angel and carbombs
I wanted to make fun of someone saying that to an untrained ear, skrillex is blah blah blah. But it was too soon after they said it. And now I can't find it. These are real problems.
I think that's why god made me a woman. Bc it's harder to slap people in the face with a vagina.
Hahahahaha. That's what your stoned ass gets for eating half a bag of processed cheese at 2am.
Muscle is literally tearing itself off of my shins. No I am not going on another bar crawl with you.
I'll pay?
Pick me up at 9.
Any idea why the fuck i would replace all the music on my ipod with the fucking Goosebumps theme song?!?
Apparently drunk you is really nostalgic?
All I know, is I had green sex and beer and got driven home. That's it.
He offered to take me to my appointment after breakfast then kind of just sat there and watched me get a papsmier. Most awkward first date ever.
Me my naked body. You bring the paints. I expect to be a panther by game time Sunday.
What do I get.
Panthers win you get to fuck the paint off me.
But what if there are 6 people and they end up just pairing the off into 3 couples. Is it still an orgy?
You took the receipt and ate it. You then took it out and gave it to the waitress with slobber and holes all over it.
Randomize
