Ambien. No doubt about it.
Apparently he's never heard a queef, he totally thought I farted and got freaked out.
You know you're true friends when you can talk about what sexual diseases you may or may not have.
I think my tv knows when im high and tells taco bell
Pretty sure even her dog was surprised when I got that blow job.
I'm alone drinking at the bar and the titanic theme song is on. This won't end well.
No, fuck buddies don't get birthday party privledges...
Sorry.
I was too sleepy and drunk to verbally annihilate anyone and ruin their reason for being. So i just opted to sleep with the fitted sheet on the floor
Just left the frat house in last nights clothes minus my earings, shoes, underware, tequilla cap, and my dignity. If you see me on your way home just hit me
If I had a dick as big as yours. The world would be an oyster. An oyster smaller than my big penis
He leaned off the deck, puked a waterfall of beer, looked back at everyone and said "it was just a burp".
I am pretty sure they consider me one of the "bros". They compliment girl's racks to me and are the human forms of dick-be-gone. They won't sleep with me more than once cause it's "weird", or let any "untrustworthy boys" sleep with me and I still help them get laid. Not...fair...
Mixing coffee with vodka may have been a bad choice, I feel like I'm pregnant and the baby is trying to perform a c-section from the inside.
Nothing like banging your nurse in the shower while staying in the hospital
Based on his face I'm positive he has a beautiful penis.
Randomize
