girl in front of me at starbucks just ordered 7 shots of espresso in her latte. welcome to finals week
It has to be really easy to get midgets drunk.
You were running around with scissors offering people free haircuts.
He's fat, has man boobs, and is uncircumsized. I feel like I won the last woman on earth prize.
Dude, she puked up her Plan B, then reached in the toilet and re-swallowed it. That chick does NOT want a baby
searching my car for your cum before I have to give my grandma a ride to the airport. Thanks for this
Literally lying on a futon being hand fed bacon
Fuck you.
Almost threw up on my grandmother as she walked in the house. Had to run to the bathroom and vomit my brains out. Prolly getting taken out of the Will now.
It is a sign that I need a fresh start when Kelly Clarksons new album tells the story of my life.
The notification you get from snapchat that someone took a screenie is like a formal declaration of blackmail.
The front camera on the 5S is SO much better. This is great development for my international sexting.
It's cool dude. The dank is in the form of premade smores with honey grahm crackers, marshmallow cream and 420 brand choc. bars. NV weed laws have nothing on me.
Do you ever look at someone's Snapchat story and think ‘you told me you would eat my ass’?
I'm naked in a forest ranger station right now
Just checked out of walmart with a 30 pack of Budlight and a wiffle bat. Hello, Monday night.
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