So he says "lean over this" which is a chain across the doorway, held into the wall with bolts. I do. Then he puts his weight on top of me to try and get it in.
It breaks. We fall.
I now have a broken nose, a concussion, and an infected, split lip. Why do I have the worst luck in guys?
After we had sex, she played this little piggy with my toes
When she was giving me head last night it felt like there was a NASCAR pit crew working on my dick.
she stopped mid-blowjob to explain how to acheive the haircut shown in the movie
I just had to explain to my 62 year old advisor what "tea-bagging" was in the middle of her lecture. I smell extra credit. And maybe a demonstration.
if i got ashes i think they'd burn a hole into my head with the amount of sins i've committed this year alone and it's only february
Pros and cons of selling your underwear to a guy on craigslist. Go.
Come down off the roof.
If youre wondering about the smell, i set your hamster on fire. But don't worry he's ok
I went through his pics. Will you go with me to get tested?
The other night he asked if I had a condom and I said I had an IUD. and he goes OMG A BOMB?
Let's put it this way, there's not many girls I wouldn't let sit on my face
We just had sex in the shed while having a conversation about cheeseburgers...so that's how my day is going
I used the line "you don't have enough pillows". Then left. Thought you should know.
I need a job that does not involve working with people who wear animal costumes when they get fucked.
OMG. When you threw the used condom on your floor you threw it in my purse!!! I just went to grab my headphones and it was stuck to them!
Randomize