I'm still in shock that he came by my house for five minutes dropped off a Teddy bear and went to the strip club on valentines day
Most sexually ambiguous night of my life. Kept switching from the NBA finals to the Tonys.
how the fuck is Katelyn 5'1" and 85 lbs and she tackled a bouncer to the ground?
We legitimately thought something was wrong with you until someone pointed out you were just doing the thriller dance
Feel like I died but someone put me In a human microwave and I got back to life.
I drunkenly called my ex on Skype last night and didn't talk, just smiled real big at him until I fell asleep.
I keep thinking your bag of thongs is a bag of chips. So mad I can't eat them.
I didn't want to but I was drunk in a Disney bathroom with her and had a weak moment.
You asked me what the point was. Told me your were dying alone and then had me take you and Wendy's where you bought 3 meals and ate them in about 10 minutes saying you didn't care if you got fat...
Hold on - sidebar. My best friend just threw a 40 pack of condoms through my window.
That's what I love about being a lesbian. My roommate's boyfriend watched her finger me and then he made me pancakes in the morning. AND THEN HE LEFT.
YOU WILL DIE AND I WILL CARVE 'I TOLD YOU SO' ON YOUR HEADSTONE
I don't know what she looks like but I'm pretty sure she has a pussy.
So I don't think the seahorse breeding thing is gonna work.
That was random, even for you Mom.
Where are you guys?
Drunk
Randomize
