try this...when you orgasm scream his address including city state and zip...
No, he will live forever, like cockroaches and Jack Bauer.
I just realized that there are baby oil soaked hand prints on the wall over my bed. Last night was a good night.
I'm not asking you to commit. I'm politely asking your penis to be my friend.
In his defense he just bought a bong like a week ago so he's still in that honeymoon phase.
Is it bad that I feel proud to be the first one to puke in the apartment? And I did it in style?
You straight up painted the counter with steak, tequila and beer. You owe me a knew toothbrush.
Just traded a sandwich for anxiety drugs outside the club. I fuckin' LOVE this place.
Stop calling him just to say, "my vagina misses you."
I'm so cold without your freakishly high body temperature
that's the equivalent to a normal girlfriends. 'I miss you' btw
I can't decide which is better: the sex, or remembering that I have ice cream in the freezer after he left
You drunk? Cause I have a terrible idea...
I found a used condom in my purse this morning. It was in there with a bunch of smushed french fries.
I tried to order dominos and couldn't but I accidentally placed an order for this morning. I knew I did it last night and was gonna call and cancel this morning but honestly it's coming in 30 minutes and I need it
Oh god...Did I just fuck a sugar granddaddy?!
he asked me for a magic BJ...is that supposed to be different from a normal BJ?
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